LA is not OK

Best Picture Predictions

2012-01-23T21:15:00.000-08:00

A simple prediction of the Oscar nominees, of which I'll be attending the announcements tomorrow morning at 5:30am. Yowzer.

The Artist
The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Moneyball
The Tree of Life

The last of which is probably very hopeful thinking on my part, but I do think it still has the power. C'mon, Academy, do the right thing! It certainly deserves a nomination, if nothing else.

That makes seven.

The ones I left off: The Ides of March and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the latter of which scored a directors guild nominee, an extremely good sign of a Best Picture nom. But I just think the Academy's too old for that movie. The Ides of March I just don't think is that strong.

If I'm right, or close to right, this post will stand as a bastion of my supreme intelligence. If not, it will be summarily deleted.

The 2nd Annual L.A.O.K. Awards

2012-01-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

All year you've been waiting for it...............................................................................................

THE SECOND ANNUAL L.A.O.K. AWARDS!

That's right, time to hand out that fabled award that Garrett's friends and people that used to know Garrett in college alike look forward to taking a few more minutes out of their work day. So let's not waste time, shalln't we?

BEST PICTURE

My top five:
Contagion
Drive
Melancholia
Midnight in Paris
The Tree of Life

And the Layokie goes to...
The Tree of Life

With a few notable exceptions, and you may find this hard to believe, I try to let people think bad movies are great if they have well-thought-out reasons for doing so. There are very few that I would argue against completely. On the other hand (though it is quite difficult for me) I also try to let people not like movies that I think are great, if they've thought about that too. The most notable exceptions: Slumdog Millionaire is not a great movie. Dances with Wolves is definitely not better than GoodFellas. And The Tree of Life definitively is the best movie of the year. If you don't think that, I will say that your opinion is incorrect. I don't think in all my life I've felt this strongly about a movie.

I can't say too much regarding arguments that contend other films are the year's best without going into a confused rage, but I did work up this analogy:

The Tree of Life is a masterpiece of cinema, but certainly not the only one. I think the only other recent masterpiece of American cinema is There Will Be Blood (though at the time I favored No Country for Old Men, so opinions certainly can change over time), but were you to call There Will Be Blood the Mona Lisa, The Tree of Life would be the Sistine Chapel. In scope of artistry, vision, and reach, it's simply unmatched. This would make The Artist a Piet Mondrian, but the not the original Broadway Boogie Woogie seen here, more like if someone made an adequate homage to it today.

For me, the only movie that can touch The Tree of Life this year is Drive. The next four of my top ten were all great, and I could barely decide to which of them to knock down to the next five.

The next five:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
Shame
War Horse (Though I got shamed for liking it in my office, where I am the one with broad taste.)

Again, of these it was Shame, which is the one that barely didn't make the cut for the top five, then as Billy Beene would say, "50 feet of crap, and then us." It annoys me to hear people say years on the whole were either good or bad for movies, because I seem to hear it both ways every year. But it was really a stretch for me to pick ten of the best movies this time around.

However, The Tree of Life more than makes up for the lack of quality elsewhere. You could tell me it was the best movie made in the last 10, 20, or 50 years, and I probably wouldn't argue with you (though Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon remains my personal favorite.)

BEST DIRECTOR

My top five:
Terrence Malick - The Tree of Life
Nicolas Winding Refn - Drive
Steven Soderbergh - Contagion
Lars von Trier - Melancholia
Joe Wright - Hanna

And the Layokie goes to...
Terrence "Obviously" Malick

Tree of Life fetus says, "If you didn't love it, you didn't understand it."

During the scene in which an opera is playing over the creation of the universe and evolution of life on earth (What's that? The best part of The Artist by a mile was a two-minute tap dance?), there's this tiny clip of a few spiral-shaped single celled organisms, and as I watched, I literally thought to myself, "He's doing it! He's really doing it!" In terms of commercial filmmaking, it's like he jumped over the Grand Canyon (or whatever, you know what I'm trying to say). I'm not surprised people walked out of the theater. People are idiots. It flew in the face of convention, or something not cliche but similar to that.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

My top five:

Like Crazy - Drake Doremus and Ben York Jones

Melancholia - Lars von Trier

Midnight in Paris - Woody Allen

Shame - Abi Morgan and Steve McQueen

Win Win - Thomas McCarthy

And the Layokie goes to...

Midnight in Paris - Woody Allen

Sometimes I surprise myself with my picks. Don't read too much into them please. Except for a few (like the ones above, obviously) these are completely arbitrary. I narrow down some good titles, then pick one on the spot as I write.

However, don't discount Like Crazy. In the first 30 minutes, I thought, 'This reeks so much of film school. Why am I watching this?' But if you keep with it, a very trite and annoyingly childish love story matures, and how. The latter half is one of the more realistic and honest relationship dramas I've ever seen.

Shame and Melancholia are also just excellent. Shame is truly gut-wrenching, in a way that makes me not want to recommend watching it.

I decided to go with Midnight in Paris because it's funny, delightful......well it is!, it makes you feel smart when you understand its references, it's got a good amount of Wesley Snipes, and the story touches on a true sentiment of the human condition, whether you're an artist or not.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

My top five:

Albert Nobbs - Glenn Close and John Banville

Drive -Hossein Amini

The Ides of March- George Clooney, Grant Heslov, and Beau Willimon

Moneyball - Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver

And the Layokie goes to...

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

For Lithgow!!!!!

Why not, right? Talking orangutans.

BEST ACTRESS

My tope five:

Kirsten Dunst - Melancholia

Charlotte Gainsbourg - Melancholia
Rooney Mara - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Meryll Streep probably - The Iron Lady, and Michelle Williams probably - My Week with Marylin (have yet to see both)
Tilda Swinton - We Need to Talk about Kevin

And the Layokie goes to...
Kirsten Dunst - Melancholia

Acting's not really my craft, so any actors are welcome to think these picks are terrible. That said, gotta go with Kirsten Dunst on this one. Melancholia was incredible, and she was excellent in it. She really carried the film, even while playing a supporting role in the second part.

BEST ACTOR

My top five:
Jean Dujardin - The Actor
Michael Fassbender - Shame
Mel Gibson - The Beaver
Ryan Gosling - Drive
Brad Pitt - Moneyball

And the Layokie goes to...
Ryan Gosling - Drive

Owie.

Super thrilled to see "The Goz" nominated twice for the Golden Globes, even though they are stupid. Even for Crazy, Stupid, Love, which should rightfully get overlooked during awards season, but was also a delightful romp, in which Ry Ry was perfect. He was also nominated by the Globes for his performance in The Ides of March. That was a good movie, and his performance was also good, but did any of those foreign whatsits see Drive?! Ryan Gosling in Drive, would be perfection. Ryan Gosling in Drive would be perfection? Could have said, 'Ryan Gosling in Drive would be nice.' Could have said, 'I liked his performance.' But no, you said, 'Ryan Gosling in Drive would be perfection.'

BECAUSE HE WAS! Straight-faced 100%. No emotion at all. You know what? I've been working on this post for a while now, and I'm starting to go a little crazy, about five minutes ago. On to the next one.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

My top five:
Berenice Bejo - The Artist
Marion Cotillard - Midnight in Paris
Rachel McAdams - Midnight in Paris
Melissa "Hottest Woman on Film (except maybe for in this movie)" McCarthy - Bridesmaids
Carrey Mulligan - Shame

And the Layokie goes to...

Carrey Mulligan - Shame

Two-time back-to-back Layokie winner for Best Supporting Actress! Wow, what an honor this must be for her. I'm just gonna go ahead and keep giving Carrey Mulligan this prestigious award until she gives me a reason not to. But seriously, she was really good in Shame.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

My top five:
Michael Sheen - Midnight in Paris
Ralph Fiennes - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Alan Rickman - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Moneyball and The Ides of March
John C. Reily - Carnage, We Need to Talk about Kevin, Cedar Rapids, and The Extra Man (which actually came out last year, but no one saw it anyway so it doesn't matter)

And the Layokie goes to...

Ralph Fiennes I guess? I don't really know.

PSH was really great as always in his two films, but he hardly even screamed loudly! Uh, gonna have to try a little harder than that, Phil. Ralph-Rayph I was really impressed with in my first viewing of HPatDHp2, but it wasn't until a repeat viewing with the resident Potter-philes in my life, Matt and Ellen Godfrey, that I realized Alan Rickman was eeq--ually guilty, of a great performance that is!

And now on to the really good stuff.

NOT INCLUDED ON PURPOSE
A Dangerous Method
The Descendants
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
Hugo (Hugo should have been called, George Melies and the Kid Who Had a Problem but then Solved It After 45 Minutes)
J. Edgar

MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN YET
Beginners
The Help
The Iron Lady
My Week with Marylin
Take Shelter
Warrior

BEST BEARD
Brendan Gleeson - Albert Nobbs

BEST UNDERBITE
Kiera Knightly - A Dangerous Method

THE NOTHING AWARD
Immortals

THE SOMETHING AWARD
Meek's Cutoff

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE UNDER FIVE MINUTES
Alexandre Desplat - Carnage

BEST LINE OF DIALOGUE
"I once found a human spinal column in my fecal matter." -Spoons, Rango

MOVIE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TEN TIMES WORSE THAN IT WAS
The Lincoln Lawyer

FURTHEST BENEATH IDRIS ELBA'S TALENT LEVEL
Thor

MOVIE CRITICS HATED BUT I THOUGHT WAS GREAT
Green Lantern

MOVIES CRITICS LOVED BUT I THOUGHT WAS TERRIBLE
That freaking train movie. I can't even remember what it's called, and don't care enough to look it up. Stop Time or.....Turn Back or something. I'm not even making this up, I honestly can't remember it. Mind Train. Oh yeah, fucking Source Code.

Those. Hands.

2011-12-12T21:56:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me what is so hard about photographing someone with their hands in front of their fucking faces and then putting it on a poster?

The design for this poster is fairly interesting. I'm loving the the title in the box, the general placement of the text, and even the pose of that kid with the extremely annoying demeanor. But literally, if anyone can tell what possible reason a studio or design firm would have for using photoshop to get those fake hands in front of that fake face, I would love to hear it.

Can you spot the six differences between these two pictures?

2011-12-05T12:39:00.001-08:00

Maybe it's inevitable that performance capture will one day be recognized as an awardable achievement, but probably not any time soon, probably not against non-digital actors, and most probably not by the Academy.

Slashfilm wrote a feature on this Rise of the Planet of the Apes campaign for consideration:

I would very much like to know why the studio decided to go with this image. It seems wholly counter-intuitive to the campaign. Look at Andy Serkis's mouth - open. Look at Caesar's mouth - closed. They're not making the same expression. How could they? One is a chimp.

No matter how excellent a performance an actor gives (and Serkis's is very excellent) character animators have the ability, and often do make subtle (or not subtle) changes in the performance. How could an awarding body compare digitally altered or created performances to those that aren't?

We've all seen the companion arguments brought about by performance capture. Full chimp make up, full nose make up, computer generated tears, and these Alice in Wonderland screen tests (skip to 0:20 and pay close attention to Alice at 1:20) all raise the question of what is and isn't performance capture. And the questions are no closer to being solved this year by Cesar and his pals.

All this to say, I don't believe for a second that Fox expects Andy Serkis to be nominated. The Academy went through this same issue with Serkis in a more heavily "acted" role, for a movie much more in the Oscar spotlight, Return of the King. But if you want to get awards buzz for your film, a controversial topic like this that gets blogged and reblogged is going to bring a lot more attention than your typical consideration spreads. Kudos for that, I suppose.

Good ad design continues to pay off.

2011-11-29T09:54:00.001-08:00

The Hunger Games character posters revealed!

2011-10-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Of course we are probably months away from a Hunger Games outdoor advertising campaign, but here's a little snacketizer for you THG fans. Lionsgate revealed a string of character posters today, and I couldn't wait to comment on them.

Clearly Katniss (the protagonist for those unfamiliar) is set apart from the rest in a brilliant and subtle way. Pretty awesome when you can see that the designers of a campaign have really put a lot of thought into it. (When something looks great it's obviously to the credit of the designers; when something looks terrible, it's because the execs made them do it. Right designers?)

I also do like the new logo, only slightly tweaked from the book cover. But at this size, the mockingjay is too obscured by the angle and the flames to even see what it is. They should have chosen one feature or the other, and I'd say the flames. I also wish it didn't look like the title was stabbing Peeta and Cato in the eye.

(So good of those websites with exclusives to put their dirty little watermarks on the images. I'd like to thank the fine folks at Yahoo! Movies, MTV Hollywood Crush, Moviefone, MSN's The Hitlist, and Fandango for not thinking that Lionsgate giving them an exclusive means they own the image. Also to Coming Soon for originally compiling them.)

Commentary that includes SPOILERS after the jump.

The only other notable feature here is Rue, who is set apart in looking down, where every other character looks forward. Not sure why they did that. Rue is weak from a physical standpoint, but those who've read the books know she certainly isn't a weak tribute. You might think that Rue's death sets her apart here. If so, that would have been another great little detail for fans to appreciate. However, there's Cato (who looks like a freaking pussy compared to how I imagined him in the book), looking outward with the rest of them.

Go Bully Free

2011-10-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Go bully free, Hollywood: build extravagant impractical housing.

Not sure what Extreme Makeover: Home Edition has to do with bullying, or Hollywood, but I like the composition of this billboard, and I suppose it is a good message.

And don't forget the taco bed. Kids love taco beds.

The Top Ten Uniforms in College Football, Pt. 2

2011-10-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

And you thought I wasn't going to finish it.

8. Texas A&M

The Aggies are the first of many teams in this countdown that feature a classic collegiate look, but that's only because that is the best thing there is. Even in the current state of college football uniform design, quite a few teams still choose to stick with tradition (mostly those that win football games), so picking the best tends to ride on a specific quality or qualities that make one team stand out from the pack. A&M looks especially slick when they (rarely) suit up in all-maroon:

But the feature of their uniform that has always stood out to me, and that earns them a spot on this list, is their helmet decal. The design of the logo itself isn't all that special, but just look at the way it dominates the side of the helmet.

It's huge!

Apart from Boise State's terrible one-sided Nike pro combat helmet, it's got to be the biggest in the game.

They do very often run into the problem with chinstraps falling over the logo, though, as seen above. And I could do without the gray outline around the numbers.

On a personal level, I would like wish the Aggies nothing but failure, and may the Oklahoma Sooners send them off on November 5th with an even worse beating than in 2003 (77-0).

7.Arizona

Here's another instance in which the uniforms change so often that it's hard to know what you are rewarding, or in turn, dumping on. Arizona has shown quite a bevy of uniform combos this year:

And those are just the home games. For the most part, these kind of suck. But I just love their all-blue look. Here it is from a year or two ago when they were sporting some unfortunate red piping/striping.

Still, I'd rather that than the new interpretation, which features red-and-white or red-and-blue stripes that fade to white (or blue) in a pixelated dissolve, not unlike a Windows 95 screen saver, on both the pants and the helmets, as you can see on Mr. Parish, below.

But even these can't push the Wildcats off my list, and remain a DISTANT second in the stupid looking pant stripe of the year award.

Coming up next....

A look at how Oklahoma edges out Alabama in uniform design, as well as in winning national championships. (13 is a lie.)

The Ides of Smarch

2011-10-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, a few people thought this wasn't a terrible idea, and then a few hundred people had to pretend they were right in order to continue getting paid money. Yikes. I didn't even hate this at first, but it's one of those billboards that grows on you (not in the good way, like a fungus).

Here's the deal, these are two of Hollywood's best man's mans, (Have you seen Michael Clayton? Have you seen Drive?) and somehow the merger of their faces comes off as feminine, and I'm not the only one that thought that.

See? Even @elkress thought that.

I could literally come up with ones of better poster ideas (meaning between two and nine).

Obviously, your first thought goes to the incredible 1993 documentary The War Room, which follows President Clinton's '92 campaign (and also which you can watch in its entirety right here) so why not just go there?

Okay, well I thought the poster would look much cooler than that. But hey, it was the 90's. Still, a pretty good shot of two of the most important behind-the-scenes political figures of the past decade two decades ago, George Stefanopoulos and James Carville. You still could have played on this theme, or if not that, what about these?

Some sort of situation room, everyone gathered around a table looking up towards the viewer, sweat on their brows, documents in hand
Ryan Gosling lounging on the capital, wearing a top hat, like he's a giant or something
George Clooney in a toga (obviously)
A moody black-and-white of Clooney and Gosling in front of an American flag. Oh wait...

And yet, this was never seen by anyone.

One thing is certain: this campaign should have done something more to highlight its fantastic cast. Paul Giammati, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jeffrey Wright, Marissa Tomei, they all got snubbed in favor of a klunky gimmick and yet another terrible photoshop of a hand holding something. (When will they figure out that you can't pose a hand, digitally insert something into it later, and it not look completely unnatural?)

Yikes, again.

Also, a flat image on a curved surface, why is he holding a magazine in front of his face, etc., etc.

You know what you're gonna make me do, The Ides of March? Endorse tiling. That's how bad you are, that some sort of Valentine's Day tiling of acting superstars would have been a better option.

Or what about this?

You got some nuns, some stars. It's not great, but it gets the job done. Instead, we got a George Clooney/Ryan Gosling magazine-face ghost movie poster. The film itself, however, was quality, and if you have the chance to check it out, I recommend it.

The Ides of March billboard photographed by @BenjaminFriday.

ABDUCTION: or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying That Gravity Existed.

2011-09-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, take a look at this.

I know, I'm sorry.

It's actually kind of cool. Sliding down a building, holding a gun, about to do parkour on some girders to escape bad guys (see the trailer, below). They used Helvetica, it's got a tagline that could go for a courtroom drama, and Taylor Lautner has really thick hair. All good stuff.

But what's most importantly, is that his torso isn't bent at all. It's like he's cut in two right at his belly button and then pieced back together. I am certainly no expert, but I'd have to say that we're working with a minimum of three different bodies here: head, legs, and torso. But I definitely wouldn't be surprised if there were more. Apart from that, however, and the shards of glass exploding out from not-broken windows (again, see the trailer), it's not that terrible, right?

And that's when you notice the perspective, or confusing lack of it. Is it from the side, looking east to west, or from the ground, looking straight up at the sky? It's clear from the perspective of the buildings and the shape of the helicopter that we're looking at the sky, but then where or what is Mr. Lautner is sliding toward? Well ya see the thing about buildings is...... but you said...... my brain hurts. Unless they were purposely going Escher on us here, shouldn't it have looked a little more like this humble artists rendition?

Athangyou.

The answer is yes, it should have. I mean, down is still down, isn't it? Did they change what down was and I missed it?

But this campaign isn't too invasive, being completely relegated to our lovely city's massive supply of bench ads, where it's hard to see the mistakes of the one-sheet.

You guys want to see something really cool though? Watch this trailer for Abduction, and every time Taylor Lautner says a line of dialogue (not voice over), repeat it in your head as accurately as you can. It's hilarious. (Spoiler alert: he's a really bad actor.)

"You wanna play with no rules? You better be careful what you let out of the box."

So, I wrote a screenplay once, and because of that line, I'm gonna go kill myself now. Goodbye, everybody!

The Drive Campaign is Simply Brilliant

2011-09-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I put a lot of negativity into the universe the internet. Come on, I'm the one that tags my tweets #certifiedhater. I get it, I'm negative. But I'm not a cynic. I think lots of things are great. Unfortunately, out of all the great things, few of them are movie billboards.

I've had plenty of requests for more posts on ads that I do like, but to be honest, they just don't come up that often. And even most of the good ones aren't great, they just aren't terrible. However, there are some ads up right now (and not enough of them) that are truly great. Those for Drive.

Incredible.

The problem with great work, however, is that it's difficult to say much about it. To simply list everything that makes it great nearly ruins it. It's usually better to just behold. But if I must...

First and foremost, the title. For this type of movie, it would have been really easy to go with a font like this, or this, or this. Those first two are weak-ass. The third is meh. But this pink script is the not-obvious perfect choice. Juxtaposed against Brian Cranston, Christina Hendricks, and Ryan Gosling's collective H.A.M.-ness, it works perfectly.

The white frame also works wonders, allowing the hot pink script to spill over the image beautifully. The lighting and composition obviously play big parts in the success of these posters as well. However, it would be a stretch to call this unique series "original." These one-sheets immediately conjure thoughts of the 80's that lead not back to the 80's, but to 2006 and Marie Antoinette. A quick search yielded the following image:

Pretty similar. Still, I remember watching that trailer, seeing the hot pink title slap across the 18th century French aristocracy, and being completely impressed by how easily and immediately that put forth Sofia Coppola's thesis: that here was the first brat, the original "me" generation. (Is that right? I actually haven't seen it.)

Not sure what message the creators of the Drive campaign were trying to send, but it looks fantastic anyway. Take a look at some of the billboard images:

If you're a regular reader, you'll recognize LA is not OK's favorite thing: filling the frame without being too busy. It's clean, uncluttered, and so much better than a ton of white space. The tagline is similarly simplistic, and amazingly pun-free. To take it a step further, the first and third of these billboards are truly great because they start to tell a story. Not quite as well as say, The Hangover, but you do get a sense of situation here, an obvious conflict between characters. Also notable is that the star of the film appears in both of these, yet not only is he not the focus, he is hardly noticeable (in the scorpion jacket on top, the chin on the bottom).

Let's take a look at another campaign that did something similar, to show that it is possible to take it too far in the other direction.

These three images went up as billboards all over town for Crazy, Stupid, Love (albeit in English). They also start to tell a story, but a disparate one that without the context of the narrative, is less intriguing than it is confusing. Take the first of the Drive billboards. You think, they're getting onto an elevator, but there's going to be trouble. Now look at the Questo E Folle image. You know the sex fiend is going to bang the scared man, but especially in combination with the other two images here, as well as this, you have no idea what the tone of the movie is supposed to be. If you've seen it, you know they missed the mark. This campaign was actually on the higher end aesthetically, but the comparison to Drive shows just how solidly the former nailed it.

Unfortunately, Drive's main one-sheet is probably the weakest of the lot.

Still, even this poster *puts on sunglasses* is miles, ahead of the competition. YEEEAAAHHH!!!

The Top Ten Uniforms in College Football, Pt. 1

2011-09-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

The first thing you have to be aware of when compiling a list of the top ten uniforms in college football, is that for many teams, they change constantly. That makes dictating a definitive list difficult. Most of the best uniforms in college football belong to those tradition-rich schools that don't often change their branding, but that's not always the case. To quote Billy Costigan quoting Nathaniel Hawthorne, "College football uniforms are always rising and falling in America." Or something like that. I've noticed three basic trends in college football uniform design right now: some, like numbers nine and ten in this countdown, are moving from a modern look filled with various accoutrement, to a classic, cleaner look. Others go simply from one fat stripe and weird piping to another: the natural, inch-by-inch progression of broad trends in design. And still others have decided to eschew all good sensibility and instead drum up publicity for their program by going bat shit crazy. Got a perennial 7-5 team, ever on the cusp of breaking through to the next level? The answer's simple: wear a lot of stupid ugly uniforms. It worked for Oregon.

Also before getting into the countdown, I'd like to point out that my roommate has pointed out, somewhat with disgust, "I have never met anyone who talks about uniforms as much as you do." What can I say? I LOVE college football. And though my favorite part is when Ronnell Lewis runs into someone so hard that it sounds like their spine broke, I can also get excited about all the design elements that go into the game. Besides, my roommate only said that because he's never read Paul Lukas' utterly genius Uni Watch column on ESPN. That guy gets me, and makes me feel less weird about obsessing over uniform design. Lukas also has a personal Uni Watch blog, but I find it to be only slightly less tl;dr inducing than The New Yorker. Although I produced my list before reading this year's listing of every uniform change in the FBS, I'll be linking to some of Lukas' pictures, and I'm generally indebted to him for his awesomeness.

And without further ado, A-WAY we go!

10) Colorado

In the last few years, Colorado's uniforms haven't been anything special. A few years ago, they even suffered a bit of controversy for these for adding some textured whatchamacallits to their shoulders.

The fear was that they were somehow engineered to cause tacklers to slip off ball handlers, but to me they looked grippy, if anything. Anyway, they proved in whichever way that they provided no advantage, and wore them from 2007-2009, I believe. (Research showed that they definitely didn't have them in the 2005 Big XII Championship; results for the 2006 season came back from the lab inconclusive.)

Then, in 2010 (and I didn't even notice this until today!) they switched over to a more classic home jersey, dropping the shoulder grips, the gold piping, and the gold outline around the numbers, and changing the Colorado script to a large white font that matches the new large white numbers.

They also added some retro-looking shoulder stripes, moving the numbers from the side of the shoulders to the top. I think they look pretty slick. Much better than the last few years. Uni watch pointed out that one long-time problem for Colorado is that their helmets didn't match their pants. According to this picture, a comparison put together by Uni Watch, they've fixed the problem for the upcoming season. More than enough improvement to warrant a spot at the bottom of this list.

9) Boston College

Another team that would not have made this list before I read this year's Uni Watch. What used to look somewhere between terrible and average:

NEEDS MORE THINGS

Now looks pretty fantastic.

They've ensmallened the numbers and removed the italics (a.k.a. made them legible), dropped the numbers from the shoulder as well as the eagle patch (which was itself only added a few years ago), and added a white stripe on the helmet (which I think looks good, but the fans seem to hate). I still can't tell what's on the shoulder, if anything, nor can I find any other pictures of the new digs. The answers will come this Saturday, but they're still clean as hell and I love 'em.

Up next.... teams 8 - however far I get!

TV: The little brother of a real industry

2011-08-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

For some reason, someone put TV billboards up where all the movies billboards are supposed to be.

HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN

They should have called this show "Drama and the Nerd Guy." How amazing would it be if this was a legitimate Entourage spin-off starring Drama? Either way, Kevin Dillon seems cursed (blessed?) to play that character from now on. And look at what a slob he is! He's eating a burger! Also, in case anyone missed it, the tagline is "Prude Meets Dude." Many many people were paid American currency in order for you to read those three words, so in case you ever needed proof that we live in a fallen world, there you have it.

This is literally the pitch from their website: "Bert's a man's man, Andrew's a gentleman. This fall they will teach each other a little bit about becoming a better man!" Man I wish I had made that up as a joke man, but sadly I didn't man. Read that again in Trey Parker's voice and tell me it doesn't sound like a line from a sitcom parody on South Park.

Also hilarious is the fact that they have a forum, and as of the writing of this post, it's completely empty. However, such topics of discussion (posted by "CBS Administrator") include: "Modernization of the Odd Couple" and "Tie wipe!"

THE PLAYBOY CLUB

This of course (along with Pan Am) is to Mad Men what Supernatural/The 4400/Flash Forward/Fringe were to Lost: knockoff shows that rode the coattails of a huge hit......into ultimate obscurity. But as far as advertisements go, this is probably my favorite of the bunch. It's colorful (you know I'm a sucker), fills the frame nicely, and the tagline, "Don't let the fluffy tails fool you," doesn't even make me want to puke. I would even considering watching this show, if I didn't think that Pan Am was likely going to do the same thing only better. Also if it wasn't about the Playboy Club.

PERSON OF INTEREST

Someone send me a better picture of this please.

Not a great ad, but probably the show with the best chance to actually be good. Lots of quality talent behind this one. For anyone not familiar with our major players, we have:

-Star, Michael Emmerson: Played Ben on Lost. If you happened to have missed Lost, congratulations! You're probably still thinking, "Man, I really need to catch that on DVD." I am here to tell you that in fact, you do not. Let's put it this way. It was about 20% really good television, 30% anus-clinching anticipation, 10% whyTF didn't you even mention the last episode's cliffhanger, 20% really lame television, and 20 more % heartbreaking disappointment. Instead, just start watching this show and hope for the best. Or start Mad Men on Netflix: Watch Instantly.

-Star, Jim Cavizel: Most famous for playing Jesus, but was also excellent in the truly underrated The Count of Monte Cristo. He was also on another show with a great pedigree that ended up failing miserably: The Prisoner. That also starred Ian McKellen and aired on AMC, the network "that can do no wrong," because they know you don't remember the series The Prisoner that only ran for six episodes.

- Executive Producer, J.J. Abrams: Is there anyone out there who's still not "eh" on J.J. Abrams yet? Get there. He's not great.

-Executive Producer, Jonathan Nolan: Brother to Christopher Nolan and co-writer of The Prestige, The Dark Knight, and the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises (which by the way takes place eight years after the events of The Dark Knight, and no one else knows that yet, so this is also a gossip blog now).

PAN AM

Look, he owns Pan Am; he owns Congress; he owns the Civil Aeronautics Board. But he does not own the sky!

Christina Ricci! Normally I'm saddened when film stars I like do television, because I think it's a lesser medium, but for some reason there's less of a stigma about that these days than there used to be. Television somehow no longer means that an actor's career has tanked. What is with you people? Go see movies. Not now, of course. Go see the good ones during Oscar season you idiots. Emily Cox told me she finally saw Black Swan on DVD a few weeks ago. You have good taste and are culturally relevant, you have no right watching Black Swan on DVD nine months later. Sheesh. But anyway, I really like Christina Ricci, and unlike many film stars currently making the transition (huh?), she actually hasn't done anything substantial in some time. Speed Racer in 2008? Could you call that substantial? If this does give her career a jump start, then I'm all for it.

Otherwise, and knowing nothing about the show except for what I've seen above, I'm going to have to give Pan Am my Lock of the Season. And, though it's rather boring, I actually quite like this billboard. It's well balanced, the background isn't white but the color of an aged sheet of paper, and I think it was a great move to use the traditional company logo as the show's own. Also, whether it's because of historical, cultural, or visual cues, how cool is it that at a quick glance these women look sexier than most of the models in your average racy designer billboard, all while being covered nearly from head to toe?

NEW GIRL

Someone snap a pic of this billboard and send it to me.

Wow. Barf everywhere. Not enough time to talk about how bad this is. She looks like she's in pain. She looks like her new fiance just made a really racist joke in front of her family. She looks like a Barbie you just dug out of a suitcase full of old Barbies.

You don't have to beat us over the head with the fact that Zooey Deschanel is this quirky indie girl, we all know that Zooey Deschanel is this quirky indie girl. But this isn't even a good Zooey Deschanel! This is more like some girl in Bismarck, North Dakota, who is like the cool indie girl of Bismarck State College, and she walks around thinking that she is the "total Zooey" of BSC, but everyone else thinks, "Look at that wang. Who does she think she is, Zooey Deschanel?" Doesn't the total Zooey know that Zooey Deschanel doesn't walk around in a sleeveless lime green turtleneck dress with really bad hair? Except now she does, apparently.

Also, the tagline is "Simply Adorkable." For quite a while I thought this said "Simply Adorable," and my line was going to be, "Can someone show me who to simply kick in the dick for that one?" Then I saw it was actually "Simply Adorkable," and now I'm at that point where...you know how sometimes you move past anger and just give up?

UNFORGETTABLE

Quality of image relative to quality of show.

I know this is the obvious line, but strange how this billboard, and I'm sure the show to follow, is instantly forgettable. The blurry tagline, "She can do anything but forget," leads me to believe that she's some cop with an outstanding memory or whatever, who really cares (oh yeah, the 50-to-dead demographic). Only two new shows stand out as more forgettable than this: that weird Medicine Special Mind one or something (you know the one, the one with that actor), and Cop Out, or Cop something. The tagline is "Cop. An Attitude." and it's got this butch cop woman on it. If there were any more forgettable then these, it's because I have actually forgotten them.

THE SECRET CIRCLE

The guy on the far left is like the Superman of being attracted to guys.

This is just the worst. Except New Girl. New Girl is the actual worst.

RINNGER

And here we have the worst design work of the bunch (save maybe The Lying Game, from which I will spare you). Even at first glance, even from a large distance away, this looks nothing like a believable reflection. It's as if they wanted it not to look like a believable reflection. The bus ad is even worse.

That arm! How long is her arm?! If you embiggin and take a look at the finer details, we see that SMG's chin and eyes seem to line up, but that her nose and mouth oddly do not. That's because in the image on the right, her head is tilted down slightly, and some compositor forced with the task of making these two images appear to line up sat at their computer with furrowed brow, not unlike a small child struggling to mash together two similar yet incorrect puzzle pieces. Also, in the "reflected" image, her hair seems not to pulled back behind her ear. But most of all, her shoulder just DISAPPEARS in the reflection! Where is it? Tell me. Furthermore, the reflected image shows her clearly facing forward, where in the image on the right, her head is turned dramatically to the left. Again, it's like they didn't even try. It's insulting. At first I didn't care because this show is so obviously going to fail. But if you're going to make me look at this all over the damn city, at least show me the common decency of giving me a shoulder reflection, you know?!

YOUR DESIGN HAS NOT BEEN ADJUSTED

2011-07-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

In fact it's been pretty much copied outright.

This,

equals this.

How did I not see this before?

Who can tell me? When did the giant tagline over the face trend really start?

IT ALL ENDS.......or does it?

2011-07-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

You guys I can't wait for this movie coming out on July 15 called It All Ends. It looks so sick.

Sick, right?

Can you guys even wait to see It All Ends?

So, a mere matter of weeks after I write a post about how novel the latest Pirates campaign was for not advertising the title of the movie, we get not one, but two different campaigns advertising without a title. The first of course is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, aka "That's still going on? Hmm, all right." The other, Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

And here they both are, together, mocking me, sans title.

Dicks.

Again, if you have the brand recognition, your title is five, seven, or eight words respectively, and if theater goers stopped caring a long time ago anyway, then why bother with a title? I think both these campaigns look great.

Transformers, with its "come at me bro" robot cars:

These look great when they expand from the billboard.

And the everything-just-exploded-everywhere Harry Potter posters.

You guys, It All Ends.

IT. ALL. ENDS.

It all ends you guys.

If only I could believe that were true.

(All original photography by Ben Friday. Thanks Ben!)

riends ith enefits

2011-06-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

Can we really hold it against Friends With Benefits that another movie with pretty much the same plot came out just a few months ago?

Yes. Of course we can. Other things we can hold against it:

The tagline "It's Harder Than It Looks."
The dateline(?) "Get Some JULY 2011."
Justin Timberlake (why not?)
The fact that Mila Kunis still feels like a side character, even though I'm pretty definitely sure she's starring in this one.
And the terrible red-on-black lettering used for the title:

Mommy? What does "riends ith enefits" mean? --Close your eyes, honey.

Which used to be a very legible light blue-on-black color scheme (that has not been used in any advertising whatsoever).

My elbow is inside your neck.

Also Justin Timberdale's tie. What's going on in this scene? He's getting undressed? She's obviously not? I don't know.

There, that's a little clearer. See, in case you didn't know what "friends with benefits" means, they've gone ahead and explained the situation visually. In this diagram, Justin Timberdell's index finger represents his erect penis, while the circle Mila forms with her thumb and forefinger takes the place of her willing vagina. In theory, the two will meet in the act of sexual intercourse, even though, get this, they're just friends. The "benefits" referred to in the title are that they get to have sex with each other. If anyone is still confused, please visit the Wikipedia entry on casual sex.

Oh, another thing I have against this campaign, Justin Timberderr's scarf in this image for Bad Teacher, which has been appearing on the side of many Los Angeles buses in the last week or so:

"Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that you're going to complain about Friends With Benefits because its star wears an article of clothing you don't like in an ad for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MOVIE?!" you ask?

Yes, I am. I do what I want.

Please, don't take Pops to Popper's.

2011-06-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

This billboard for Mr. Popper's Penguins, although quite blurry and poorly composed, actually says, "FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND, TAKE POPS TO POPPER'S."

This is the opposite of an advertisement for a suicide hotline.

Super 8: A Review - by Garrett Baker and Blake Dilliner

2011-06-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

Presented for you, completely unedited (meaning don't judge us for saying "like" so much), is a conversation between me and Blake Dilliner about the film Super 8. Attention - *MAJOR SPOILERS* follow - don't read this if you haven't seen the movie and still want the chance to be let down by the third act.

Blake: fsu highlights are super mint

i forgot how much o fa beat down that was

me: So mint.

Blake: i hate jj abrams more every day

me: lol

Blake: i think he's my least favorite director

me: yeah i really grew to dislike that movie more the few days after i saw it

Blake: after tyler perry

me: wow

i think mine still has to be tony scott

Blake: yeah i like hate super 8 3 days later

lol

me: i don't hate it, i'm just like, that pretty much sucked

Blake: yeah

me: like he was obviously trying to do a tribute to monster movies of the 70's

Blake: i want to go into the movie review business and just review all of abrams films

me: like b-movies

Blake: tear them apart

me: and he didn't nail it

Blake: no, also he was trying to do like an 80's speilberg kid's film

and failed

the scene with the boy's mom on film

that was the most blantant attempt at fabricated emotion

it was pathetic

the label on the film can was "mothering - greatest hits"

me: lol

i think my least favorite was the stilted apology scene between the dad and the drunk

and they were like driving somewhere with a purpose

Blake: "hey guys, remember that cave we couldnt find a way out of? well i found an escalator that takes us to the middle of town where our fathers are!"

me: and then they just show up in town as the monster flies away

like, where were they going?

lol

Blake: the monster isnt scared, he's just homesick!

um, i just saw he eat someone alivve

*him

he cant eat chickens or something?

me: here's what would have made that movie completely awesome

Blake: a different director and writer

me: the kid gives his speech

lol

and then the monster eats him

Blake: LOL

me: and then it finishes just the same

and kyle chandler's like, where's johnny

and the girl goes, that monster ate him

and then they fire guns at the ship as he flies away

the end

Blake: "i can't handle a child! that was women's work! youre going to baseball camp all summer because I CANT HANDLE THIS" um dad, you mean handle me being at school or home alone all day while youre at work and the neighbors are feeding me? you cant handle THAT?

me: Then the moral of the story, "Sometimes bad things just happen," actually has some real meaning.

Blake: yeah i like that

"i can let my mother go now because i met an alien and it solved all my problems! see ya later locket"

oh also, my entire town and life as i knew it is destroyed and the government is going to lobotomize everyone who just witnessed this

me: lol

yeah the locket thing was so bogus

like, in writing, you have to show that the character is changed

with an action

for instance, the EXACT SAME LESSON is learned in Up

through the exact same action

when Carl pushes all of Ellie's stuff out of the house

Blake: yeah

me: except in that movie, he actually needs to do that so that the house is light enough to fly

Blake: yeah

me: in this movie, there is no way you would just give up your mother's locket

there was no reason for him to do that

Blake: yeah

but to someone stupid its like "awww he's over his mother's death"

me: you'd be like, well, I feel better about my mom dying, I'm sure glad I still have this locket to remember her by!

Blake: ha yeah

me: I think I may have to turn that into a blog post

Blake: this locket that 20 minutes earlier i searched a dead, mutilated body for

me: because that's like the first thing i thought when i watched that

how Up did the exact same thing, except way better

me: maybe I'll just copy and paste this conversation

Blake: haha

me: that would be a lot easier than rewriting it all

Blake: do it

Gretchen, stop trying to make 'fetch' happen.

2011-06-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is a little late, but as far as the billboards went, I thought the ad campaign for The Hangover Part II was quite good. A few different variations on this theme. I'm in a bathtub with my clothes on, I'm lying on the floor, my head is shaved, there's a monkey with a denim jacket on, can you not see how crazy we are? The campaign did some of my favorite things: filled the frame without being too busy, utilized actual photos (or were good enough photoshop jobs that I couldn't tell the difference), and also used some really cool lighting schemes.

However, let us take a look at the character posters for THP2, which I mostly saw on bus stops:

Aside from a strange Sixth Sense-esque lens flare behind each of their heads, they're still good-looking posters. But...what are those quotes doing up there? They're not taglines. That's still "THE WOLFPACK IS BACK," hanging out down there beneath the title. These are clearly lines the characters say in the movie, 'cept one thing, we haven't seen the movie yet. You can't prequote your own movie! Don't tell me what lines in your movie are funny. I'll decide that, when and if I see it (I haven't and don't plan to).

Think of your favorite quote from any movie......... Now imagine that quote had been on the poster for that movie, and how much that would cheapen it. These obviously aren't the best lines from the film, but still, don't push your quotes on me. Don't try to make 'fetch' happen.

What if the Billy Madison poster had shown a close up of Billy with one of the film's lesser quotes over his head? Something like, "Man am I glad I called that guy." No matter what quote you used, it would automatically be the lamest line in the movie.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've seen prequotes used. Exhibit B:

Remember when I Love You, Man came out, and then everyone was calling each other "Dude von Dudenstein" all the time? No? That's because it didn't happen. (I actually do hear people say "totes magotes" or simply "totes" every once in a while. Aaaaand I always look down on them for it. You said that because a poster told you to. And it's not even funny.)

Let's just hope we're not seeing another tagline-over-the-face-type trend forming here.

My Highest Ad Campaign Rating Ever: Not Terrible

2011-05-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

I've been under pressure lately to blog about some billboards that I actually like. Wha--? Me? Negative? As my father often exclaims to express his disbelief, "The hell you say!"

Actually, a few gems have caught my eye in the last few weeks, the nearest release of them being the next chapter in the popular "Pirates" series, Pirates of the Caribbean: Something About Mermaids or Some Bullshit.

I truly do prefer to discuss billboards, as opposed to posters (or 'one-sheets,' as we call them in the biz), because what interests me is not the design of a single poster, but the entire print advertising campaign a studio decides to put forth. I am not usually able to find images of billboards, but in this case I was able get the one most often used in the PotC: OST campaign.

Click to embiggen.

A nice smattering of piratey motifs, no? Let me start my first 'good' review by expressing that I am not a designer, I have not taken any sort of visual arts class since high school, and that I can only tell you what appeals to me personally. That said, I do like this. This billboard does one of my favorite things: filling the frame without being too busy (other good examples include the billboard versions of The Legend of the Guardians and Transformers: Revenge Blah Blah Blah, as well as these for Yogi Bear, which certainly push the 'too busy' line, but I think they make it work). As you can tell, I also like color. This campaign has a good scheme going and narrowly avoids the orange/blue contrast so prevalent in film advertising, opting instead for the daring yellow/blue.

Another thing I like about this one: no tagline, no title. Very few films have the brand recognition to advertise sans title, and if they do, will often stick to the number of the sequel in the franchise's trademark font. Seems like half the movies that come out these days are titled simply "2" or "3" <-- (lol). On Stranger Tides is a 4, and for advertising purposes has decided to forgo a title altogether. On TV spots for this film, you'll only hear it referred to as "Pirates of the Caribbean." (By this point, many franchises do attempt an in-series reboot by dropping the number and returning to the original title. See: Fast and Furious, THE Final Destination, Rocky Balboa, and Rambo.) What we get instead is a skull and crossswords, but you don't really need anything besides Captain Jack, who is probably the most recognizable original character since Darth Vader (or is there another?).

The one-sheets for PotC: OST are much more derivative, but still, not terrible. Except for this giant skull, which was featured on Disney's exclusive spot on the side of the Westwood Medical building, it's all character posters.

Jack,

Penelope Cruz as some girl with swords,

And I actually did see this mermaid on a bus stop.

Click through to see how stupid these scales are.

Can anyone tell me what's the deal with the fact that her scales crossfade into skin?! What kind of freaky mermaid is that? If you touched the part that's half scales/half skin, what would that feel like? I mean, I can see going for some type of transition between skin and scales, where it's like scale-ish skin, but to go for a straight up visual fade between the two? I'm sorry, is this West Handkerchief High School's AV club or Walt Disney Studios and one of the most successful franchises of all time? Put your back into it a little bit.

Also, what's the deal with mermaids always having knees? That's ridiculous.

I honestly can't decide what I hate most about this.

2011-05-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you think you've reached your capacity for hating a certain thing, say, the movie Zookeeper after seeing a TV spot for it. Then something else comes along to make you realize, no, you have much much more capacity to hate that thing, say, this poster.

This is an image of Kevin James riding a roller coaster with a gorilla.

My, what harsh shadows are cast on the roller coaster's yellow harness, yet what soft light has fallen on the zookeeper and his gorilla! So, I don't want to become the "bad photoshop guy," in fact, I don't even know how to use photoshop. Seriously though, you guys know that it's better if your poster doesn't look like complete shit, right? Compared to the shadows on his hands, his chest and face look like a cardboard cutout! Also there's a gorilla riding a roller coaster.

The THOR posters are really terrible.

2011-05-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

Boy was the ad campaign for Thor a swing and a miss. Well, it was more like a bunt and a miss.

This is what Thor, the comic book character, looks like.

On a cliff.

Summoning lightning.

On a cliff summoning lightning.

Knowing pretty much nothing about Thor, and I truly don't, it's pretty easy to discern a few things about him: he has a hammer, he is apparently on good terms with lightning, and he has a penchant for hoisting his hammer and being struck by lightning, as well as standing on rocky crags.

Now lets move from this fairly standard image of Thor in the comics, to the one-sheet of his very own movie.

Uhh......what?

Let's go right past the obvious, (Nickelback cover band frontman) and straight to the humongous missed opportunity of a completely badass ad campaign. I imagine it probably shook out something like this:

Young creative: So, I was thinking we could pose Thor on top of a cliff, have him hoist his hammer in the air, and do some cool lightning effects that will really show off the great costume we've created. I think it will make our posters and ad campaign really pop, and give people who have never heard of Thor a good idea of how exciting this movie is going to be.

Studio exec: Well, you're obviously fired.

Young creative: What?

Studio exec: Yeah, get out. Immediately. So.....I've been seeing lots of these posters with close ups of characters' faces with words over them. Can we do something like that?

Sniveling yes men: Great idea, boss! Knocked it out the park!

Studio exec: And while we're at it, lets do it all in red and black, so you can't see what's going on or tell anything about what the movie is about or who the characters are.

Sniveling yes men: He's done it again!

Studio exec: And don't let him wear that silly hat with the wings on it. Make him look like a construction worker. Middle America doesn't want wing hats. Trust me.

More gems from this campaign:

Still too colorful!

No no no! I can almost tell he has a helmet on!

Did you ask if we could just put them in t-shirts? Branagh said no? Okay, print it.

I promised to follow up my post on the great writing in Hanna, with a post on why Source Code was an example of bad writing.

2011-05-05T18:57:00.001-07:00

Source Code was really terrible.

Why "Hanna" is an Example of Great Writing

2011-04-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

Hanna, the story of a girl raised in the wilderness by her ex-CIA operative father to be a lethal, stealthy killer, has an interesting premise, great direction by Joe Wright, and an awesome score by the Chemical Brothers. However, I was especially taken by the writing. I'm going to be talking about parts of the movie here, including the climax, so obviously, SPOILERS ahead.

I want to look at something in Hanna that I like to call a 'flourish.' Although it may have another name, what I mean by flourish is a piece of dialogue or character action that could easily be considered a throwaway, but adds depth and realism to the story. The first and main instance I noticed in Hanna came in the scene where she first meets Sophie and her brother walking through the desert. Hanna rattles off a rehearsed backstory meant to hide the fact that she has been raised as a wolf girl in an arctic forest, ending in a line about her supposed dog. The boy, Miles, replies, "We had a dog once, but he went mad."

HELLO! Aren't you impressed? That was the best line in the whole movie! Let me explain. This dog was never brought up again, and the family, which actually plays an important role in Hanna's journey, is not given a resolution, but instead cut off in the middle of the story and not heard from again. There is no reason to bring up this dog, let alone the fact that it died, let alone because it went mad! Miles could have just as easily said, "We have a dog, but he's at home; we had a dog, but he ran away; we had a dog, but he got run over." Why, "we had a dog, but he went mad"? (I do have a suspicion that this is just how British people refer to rabies, but even then, why rabies?) This flourish adds realism to the story, and it's something that you won't see bad screenwriters do.

Character, as well as dialogue flourishes abound in this script, from Isaacs, the German hitman, and his creepy midget show and incessant whistling, to Wiegler's obsession with dental hygiene, to Rachel, the hippie mother played by the too-little cast Olivia Williams, and her obvious free-spiritedness ("Dharma, come down from there!"). But I'd like to look at the father of the hippie family, Sebastian. Hardly any information is given on him, but one thing we can tell is that there is some sort of tension between him and Rachel. And why not? They're traveling across continents with two kids. But we never find out what the source of the conflict is, and we do see them in relatively happy situations: singing along to "Kooks" by David Bowie, and later, rocking their trailer "going at it like rabbits," as Sophie notes. They just seem like real people.

To a similar effect, look at the character of Knepfler, who Hanna encounters during her stay at Grimm's house. You could certainly count many aspects of his character as flourishes: his magic tricks, seeming insanity, and the fact that he lives in a creepy abandoned amusement park, but again, what's noteworthy is what the the writer chooses not to reveal. In a scene like this (in which Hanna is meant to rendevous with her father, Erik) we could have easily gotten some trite explanation of how Knepfler and Erik knew each other, even by way of a logical question from Hanna herself, i.e. "How do you know my father?" Instead, the author chooses to have Hanna trust Knepfler uncoditionally (which seems to the audience like a huge mistake) and we never find out how the two were connected.

Of course, flourishes work best in doses, and similar omissions can be detrimental. The audience is likewise left out of the loop for story points I would deem valuable, if not necessary, regarding the history between Erik and Wiegler, and whatever connection Wiegler has to Hanna. In the final standoff between the two, it seems implied that Wiegler feels a motherly connection to Hanna, but without really knowing, I don't think the climax was nearly as powerful as it could have been.

Next up, a look at a piece of really bad writing, Source Code.

Poster Roundup

2011-04-08T17:34:00.000-07:00

So there aren't many posters up these days particularly worthy of derision. HOP is just annoying for what it is. There are a few bland TV ads: The Borgias, The Killing, etc. But there is one campaign that gets under my skin just enough.

(Must be read in a Russel Brand voice) "Oh, look at me, I'm a loveable billionaire. You can tell I'm loveable in three ways. One, I've got my feet, in my seat. Two, there's Ducky, right there on the arm of my chair there. Three, can't you see that I'm driving these women simply mad? They don't even know what to do with me! But they can't stay cross, because look at my grin. And four, which is a bonus, it says it right there in the tagline."

"Okay, you weren't convinced, and I had to go to drastic measures. A man in a bathtub is just a man in a bathtub. A man in a pinstripe suit and bowler is a pompous nancy. But a man in a pinstipe suit and a bowler who takes a bath in the suit, and the bowler, and whose flat overlooks a gorgeous city skyline? Now that's a loveable billionaire. By the way, there's Ducky again, and there's another Ducky in the tub, and the Ducky in the tub is also wearing a bowler. If for some reason you weren't convinced that I literally have billions of pounds, you can see that ordering a customized tiny bowler for one of my two rubber duckies isn't even an issue. And it's not like it only cost a few quid because it's smaller, that hat actually cost more than a regular-sized bowler..... I'm loveable."

By the way, don't see this movie.

More About Billboards I Hate

2011-03-03T16:04:00.000-08:00

In my last post I told you that 2nd and 1st place in January's edition of "Worst Billboard Ever," would be up next.

Well, coming in at #2: Blah blah blah The Dilemma blah blah white background blah blah blah really ugly blazers, something about Kevin James being photoshopped to look skinny, and then a photographer going, "Hey Vince, do something crazy. Like put your hands on your head. Get weird with it!.....Eh, we'll get it in post."

And finally, coming in at #1, a film campaign that would easily make the worst of January, February, now March, and probably the rest of the year, Hall Pass.

If you're a fan of my blog, you shouldn't even have to ask. The bane of all good poster/cover design: DIGITALLY INSERTED HANDS HOLDING THINGS! Oh, how I loathe digitally inserted hands holding things, the worst of all digital insertions. I don't think there's much need to comment further. Some things are universal: mathematics, laughter, and the desire to punch these characters in their smug faces.

There are three things I can appreciate about this campaign, however. One, a starring role for Jason Sudeikis. Two, work for hand models. Three, that they didn't find the need to make their fingers do this:

Imagine that between your left forefinger and thumb, you are comfortably holding a very sassy wig. Mime that action. Now look at your hand and note its appearance. Now, look at Bradon T. Jackson (who?)'s left hand. Now, attempt to contort your hand into that shape. Hold it...hold it...embrace the pain.

Until next time, keep your eyes to the sky and the hate in your heart.

Advertising is Evil

2011-01-20T17:06:00.000-08:00

In this business of show, January is a great time for honors, accolades, and heated competition. The Golden Globes, the various guild and critics awards, and of course, the Oscars all dole out a slew of statues to the best and brightest of 2010.

But there's another heated competition furiously brewing right over our heads. That's right, the battle for shittiest ad campaign. January and February are notoriously bad months for movies, as studios shovel out the films that just couldn't compete during any oter time of year. Occasionally a studio will try to sneak in and create some buzz for an out-of-season, underdog blockbuster, say, Cloverfield. But more often you find romantic and family comedies with B-list actors, washed up it-girls, and fading Saturday Night Live comedians (a la The Love Guru).

"Did someone say 'washed up it-girls and fading Saturday Night Live comedians?'" That's right, Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler, I certainly did! First up in the battle for new "Worst Billboard Ever" is Just Go with It, which is also competing for "Most Forgettable Title Reappropriated from a Phrase in the Common Parlance."

Compared to most 'worst posters of all time', there's not a ton visually wrong with this one. Just one. glaring. error. That FIST POUND! Let us count the ways in which that fist pound is ~~unappealing~~ ~~terrible~~ by all rights worse than Snooki's A Shore Thing.

1) This is not the death of the fist pound. The death of the fist pound actually came all the way back when white people started doing it around 2001. Then it's memory was thoroughly desecrated when fat, old businessmen started doing it. Then one day my dad gave me a pound. Then it was raised from the dead in 2008 by the black magic of Fox News, as the zombie known only as 'terrorist fist jab'. Obama was elected, and its soul was again put to rest, all the way up until this poster came out, in which it's riddled corpse was once again exhumed, lit on fire, and then put out again by the salty urine of some Sony executive.

2) Why did they place the half-naked girl right behind their fists, as if their hands are wrapped around her legs? That's just stupid.

3) You can't get Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston in the same room to take a picture for a poster. Whatever. I get it. But their hands are clearly not touching. In fact, Sandler's is overlapping Aniston's. If this is actually some new 'super pound' where one person's hand goes in front of the other's, please tell me. I definitely don't want to be the only not in on this thing. Otherwise, I think I would have preferred a poor photoshop of two hands obviously belonging to someone else, superimposed over the stars' hands, as long as I could tell the hands were touching.

4) Jennifer Anniston is looking at Adam Sandler's forehead, and that's because you couldn't worry about her sightline because you were concerned about their stupid hands lining up.

Up next: 2nd and 1st place in January's edition of "Worst Billboard Ever."

Every time a quiz is filled out on the internet, a kitten gets AIDS.

2011-01-10T14:33:00.000-08:00

So, you'll almost never see me playing a game, or taking a quiz, or answering a survey, but.....here it is anyway, inspired by Annie Terracina and Mary Garis of the wonderful blog, A Tale of Two Cities. Feel free to do your own in the comments or whatever. (I don't really care.)

Note: Oh yeah, the quiz is about 2010. It's from a girl magazine or something.

Oklahoma's loss to Missouri was so not worth stressing over.
- In the end, we were in the same bowl game we would have gone to otherwise. (I don't really stress out. And if I do, it's probably worth it.)

All I could listen to this year was Kid Cudi.
- Obviously I listened to lots of other stuff this year, but I discovered Man on the Moon late in the game and could not stop listening to it. Pop music at its best.

This year I promise (to myself) to go out more.
- For most of my time in L.A., insufficient funds have kept me from going out. But that is less the case now. I've been here for three years and haven't hit the Hollywood Bowl, the Walt Disney Concert Hall, Pantages Theater, or been to a concert or play that a friend wasn't performing in. Also I want to go to a Clippers game.

The best thing I ate in 2010 was Caitlin Mitchell's sweet potato casserole.
- Holy cow that ish was da bomb!

The night of the Lost series finale I was WTF else do you think, watching it.

Wow, I really don't give a rat's ass about this will be the new cupcake flavor in 2011.

I'm proud that I finished the screenplay I came to L.A. to write this year.

Remember when Kanye put out a remix of Justin Beiber's "Runaway Love" and it was fly as hell; released a new track every week for free; released another fantastic album; made a stunning 33-minute music video; reappropriated Bon Iver's "The Woods" to make another 'one of the greatest songs ever', or a bunch of other things that don't involve hating on him?

The 1st (Possibly) Annual "L.A.O.K." Awards

2011-01-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a job that allows me to watch up to four or five new movies each weekend and access to Netflix: Watch Instantly, I was able to watch more movies this year than I probably ever have before. I watched 180 movies in total this calendar year, though that number does include a few repeat viewings.

When I was a sprout, I used to try to see all the movies nominated for Best Picture. Then I tried to see them all before they were nominated. Then last year I was able to watch every single movie nominated (see my last post, written in March), and now this year, for the first time, I've seen enough movies to feel confident creating my own 'best of' list. And so here it is.

Best Picture

My top five:

Black Swan

The Kids Are All Right

The King’s Speech

The Social Network

Toy Story 3

Wow, this was a really hard choice. What a great year for movies. It came down to two of these (each of which was better than anything last year, in my opinion): The King's Speech and Black Swan. I instantly loved The King's Speech, which was impeccably acted and directed, and just a great story with really likable characters.

Black Swan, on the other hand, was the kind of movie that just sticks with you for days and days. So daring, so original, with its own fantastic cast and direction, I just have to applaud Darren Aronofski for making this movie. And the scene in which Nina finally dances the black swan is jaw dropping.

Edit: Looking back at this post now, I can't really count out Toy Story 3 either. It held the top spot on my list for many many months. It was just so well done and such a well crafted story (more on that below). Had I a vote in any actual awards program, I would have to seriously consider giving it to Toy Story.

And the Layokie goes to...

The King's Speech

The next five:
Another Year

Catfish (Please do yourself a favor and see this movie.)

Inception (Might have done better for me if I had only seen it once, instead of three times. Christopher Nolan's writing really doesn't stand up to repeat viewings.)
The Town
True Grit

Best Director

My top five:

Darren Aronofski – Black Swan

David Fincher – The Social Network

Tom Hooper – The King’s Speech

Christopher Nolan – Inception

Edgar Wright – Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Another close, close contest. As I write this, I haven't even picked one yet.

I so often hate it when awards shows reward a director for making a great movie, and not for being the best director, (It should be about style!) but Tom Hooper does so much with so little in The King's Speech that I can't deny him. He makes a scene of two people sitting in chairs talking, or a man standing in front of a microphone for five minutes, completely dynamic. And he does so with no more than a few interesting angles and slow zooms. Whenever you find yourself sitting in a movie thinking, Wow, this is really well directed, you know it's something special, but that's especially true in a movie with as good a story and performances as The King's Speech.

There is nothing specific about Aronofski's style that stands out in Black Swan, but the choreography is photographed beautifully, and the the movie rides on its tone (as well as Natalie Portman's amazing performance). Like I said, the film stays with you for days, and its impossible not to credit Aronofski for it.

Even though it shows up on this list quite a bit, I'm really not as big a fan of The Social Network as everyone else seems to be, but it was a great movie to be sure. I put Fincher here almost solely for The Social Network's tilt shifted rowing scene set to the classical piece, "In the Hall of the Mountain King."Anyone who knows me knows that I hate trends, so bringing a YouTube fad into a feature film would seemingly turn me way off, but Fincher makes it work. It was just a brillaint piece of filmmaking.

And the Layokie goes to...

Tom Hooper (But if I was really voting, I could easily see myself switching to Fincher at the last moment in order to reward him for Benjamin Button.)

Best Actor

My top five:

Jeff Bridges – True Grit

George Clooney – The American

Colin Firth – The King’s Speech

James Franco – Howl

Mark Ruffalo – The Kids Are All Right

And the Layokie goes to...
Colin Firth

I love all these actors and these performances. Not really a tough choice though. (Stupid Colin Firth, I really wanted to give this to Mark Ruffalo.)

Best Actress

My top five:

Sally Hawkins – Made in Dagenham

Lesley Manville – Another Year

Julianne Moore – The Kids Are All Right

Natalie Portman – Black Swan

Hailee Stienfeld – True Grit

Sally Hawkins didn't perhaps deserve this nomination, but I just like her a lot, and couldn't really think of any one more deserving. I missed Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine (screened the day after I flew to OK), Tilda Swinton in I Am Love (but will try to catch it on Netflix: Watch Instantly), and Halle Bary in Frankie and Alice (imagining it sucked anyway). And I just wasn't that impressed by Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone or Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole.

My other four nominees, however, were all fantastic. Lesley Manville and Hailee Stienfeld were wonderful surprises, and I can't wait to see what Hailee Stienfeld does next (please not teen comedy, please not teen comedy). This really came down to Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore, and while Portman's performance was, let's say, visceral? I remember being blown away by Julianne Moore. My mind could easily change. I can't wait to see both of these films again.

And the Layokie goes to...
Julianne Moore

Best Supporting Actor

My top five:

Christian Bale – The Fighter

Sean Penn (as himself) – Fair Game

Barry Pepper – True Grit

Jeremy Renner – The Town

Geoffrey Rush – The King’s Speech

Jeremy Renner and Barry Pepper were both great surprises here. I didn't think much of Hurt Locker, or Renner's performance last year, but I thought he really showed his chops in The Town. Barry Pepper I didn't even recognize for his first few minutes of True Grit screen time, but I have to say that it was his subscription to the Gary Oldman school of acting that really impressed me.

And the Layokie goes to...

Christian Bale

For his believable turn as a regular person being interviewed on camera.

Honorable Mentions because I just like them a lot:

Charlie Day – Going the Distance

Jon Hamm – The Town

Best Supporting Actress

My top five:

Annette Bening – The Kids Are All Right

Melissa Leo – The Fighter

Carey Mulligan – Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Kristin Scott Thomas – Nowhere Boy

Jacki Weaver – Animal Kingdom

And the Layokie goes to...

Carey Mulligan

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was much better than I expected, and in no small part to its solid cast. Shia LaBeouf again made me forget the type of person he is in real life, and Josh Brolin and Michael "Golden Globe nomination because he has cancer now" Douglas were both likable villains. Frank Langella and Susan Sarandon each played surprisingly well developed side characters, and very very old actor Eli Wallach played a very very old man to a tee.

But even among all these, Carey Mulligan was the clear standout, proving that you don't necessarily need maudlin material (Never Let Me Go) to turn in one of the great performances of the year.

Best Adapted Screenplay

My top five:

Rowan Joffe - The American

Aaron Sorkin - The Social Network

Ben Affleck and two other guys - The Town

Michael Arndt (but if you know how the process works there it's probably more apt to just say Pixar) - Toy Story 3

Joel and Ethan Coen - True Grit

And the Layokie goes to...

Toy Story 3

Structure-wise, Toy Story 3 has got to be one of the best stories ever put on film.You know those movies that seem to go by really fast, and when they're over, you can't believe that you were sitting there for two hours? Toy Story is one of those movies, and the reason is good structure. The screenplay is very very tight, flowing (seemingly) effortlessly from one scene to the next because of cause and effect. It starts in the very beginning with Andy "throwing away" his toys because he has to college, and follows that same line all the way to the climax. Even in slower scenes, say Woody's time at Bonnie's house, a throughline of tension (needing to get back to Andy's house before he goes to college) is palpable, and moves the story always forward.

Apart from that, the story is in turns hilarious, emotional, and incredibly bleak. The only criticism I could give the screenplay is that it takes a tad too long to get to the resolution, and that part where they're in the trash bag on the curb and Rex says "What's the point?" and then Buzz says "Point?.....Point!" and then uses the point of Rex's tail to break out of the trash bag. People don't really make discoveries like that. But then again, toys don't really talk.

Best Original Screenplay

My top five:

David Michod - Animal Kingdom

Mike Leigh - Another Year

Christopher Nolan - Inception

Lisa Cholodenko, Stuart Blumberg - The Kids Are All Right

David Seidler - The King’s Speech

Each one of these is so great. A really really tough choice. I respect and admire Nolan so much for being able to come up with such an amazing premise and then write a fantastic story to take place in it. I don't think anyone writes as interesting or believable characters as Mike Leigh does. But The Kids Are All Right has both great characters and a great story, and I think that taken as a script alone, with no performances or visuals, it's just an inch more satisfying than The King's Speech.

And the Layokie goes to...

Cholodenko and Blumberg

Best Cinematography

My top five:

Roger Deakins - True Grit
Dick Pope - Another Year
Martin Ruhe - The American

Matthew Libatique - Black Swan

Wally Pfister - Inception (Full disclosure: I've met Wally Pfister and have exchanged witty email banter with him. [Fuller disclosure: I only told you that to sound cool, and it really doesn't affect my decision.])

And the Layokie goes to...
Martin Ruhe, for helping lure audiences into what they thought would be a Clooney-action-spy movie, and then showing them a poignant, slow film with the sensibility of foreign art house fare.

Worst Movie of the ~~Year~~ ~~Decade~~ Century

Machete

Best Child Actor

The kid from The Switch

Glaringly Absent on Purpose

Shutter Island

Winter’s Bone

Rabbit Hole

127 Hours
Never Let Me Go

Ranking the Oscar Nominated Films

2010-03-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

With every Oscar nominated film now under my belt, I've decided to do a fun pre-Oscars blog and simply rank the films from best to worst. Now, this isn't a meticulous list. I ranked them as I saw fit in the moment, and many factors, including entertainment, quality, expectations, and even number of viewings (which I've included in parentheses if it was more than once) went into my decision making process. Basically, if you're my friend and you're not happy about the order, then please feel free to bitch, but I'm not going to spend time arguing with you....Well, I might if your taste is bad enough.

I will circumvent a few arguments, however: Avatar -- I know the writing was bad, I know the plot was unoriginal, but I plan on defending it later so please spare me. The Hurt Locker -- I really wanted to catch this one again, and I think I might like it more the second time around, but as it stands, this is based on my original opinion from back in August. The Lovely Bones -- I could write a novel on how terrible this movie was.

And without further ado:

Inglorious Basterds (2)
Avatar (3)
Up (3)
Crazy Heart
Bright Star
Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
Star Trek (2)
The White Ribbon
District 9
An Education
The Secret in Their Eyes
In The Loop
Sherlock Holmes
Paris 36
A Prophet
Up in the Air (2)
The Hurt Locker
Coraline
Food, Inc.
A Single Man
The Cove
The Messenger
Julie & Julia
Il Divo
The Young Victoria
Fantastic Mr. Fox
A Serious Man
Ajami
The Secret of Kells
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2)
Which Way Home
Invictus
Burma VJ
The Blind Side
The Princess and the Frog
The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Nine
The Last Station
The Milk of Sorrow
Coco Before Chanel
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
The Lovely Bones

Not The Best Albums of '09

2010-01-07T03:46:00.000-08:00

Is there anything worse than "Best Albums Of" lists? Especially a personal list, and especially a personal list from an amateur (i.e. not a professional music reviewer).

But even those are pretty terrible. You might have heard me say before that music criticism is the lowest form of writing. I believe this. As in, lower than sex toy instruction booklet writing. I hate it. Why? Because most music criticism is simply a game of trying to come up with the wildest metaphor that could possibly still be thought of as describing something audible. For instance (and I'm making this up) "The Pencil Cup's new album, Erasered Our Lives Away, is filled with synth-dreamy riffs of pop ice cream cones melted over the rusted train tracks of Johnnie Eisenhower's twice distorted vocals." Bluagh! Blaugh! Blaugh! [Me vomiting.] If you've read indie music reviews, you know that's not far from the truth.

Anyway... all that is said just to properly relate to you, the reader, that I acknowledge that my opinion is worth nothing, and that the following list is merely of my favorites, and by no means implies that these were the best albums of '09. How could anyone make that claim? I could name for you ten consensus favorites of the year right now that I haven't heard (and so aren't on this list), but even if you have the time and money to listen to every noteworthy CD that comes out, the more music you listen to, the less time you have to let each album gestate. And it seems to me that the best songs of any album don't usually reveal themselves until around ten listens. I also read quite a few lists this year that were basically any ten albums from Pitchfork's Best New Music page. Great albums to be sure, and I'll admit that I found my #10 and #1 albums on that very site, but if you don't have one CD in your top 10 that's not on this list, what is the point of making the list in the first place? Just link to that page and let the people decide!

Oh man, I'm a pompous ass. Here are my FAVORITE albums of 2009:

10. Tie - Bitte Orca by The Dirty Projectors*, Vecktamist by Grizzly Bear, and Hospice by The Antlers

These are three great albums that have all received critical acclaim across multiple sites, so I grouped them together and won't say much. I didn't love any of them, but enjoyed all of them, and who knows which ones will grow on me in the future. I would like to give special notes to The Dirty Projectors' beautiful "Two Doves" and the amazing power behind the chorus of The Antlers' "Sylvia." The latter of which will make a great music cue to whichever filmmaker gets to it first. Check them out for sure.

9. Time To Die by The Dodos

Man, was this album a disappointment. If you want to hear The Dodos at their best, listen to their last album, Visiter. My favorites off that one, especially "The Season," are filled with these amazing screams and ringing tribal drums that, not unlike "Sylvia," make me want to rip off my shirt, pick up a blunt object, and run into battle. Time To Die, while a completely solid album (I listened to it at least three times straight through when I first got it), lacks any of that energy, and doesn't really replace with anything but solid songwriting. According to my iTunes, I've listened to it just at the requisite ten times so far, and I couldn't tell you one song that really jumped out at me. Still very much worth listening to, and perhaps even it hasn't been given enough of a chance. The songs may very well still find their way into my heart.

8. Music For Men by Gossip

Just a really fun album from a really fun band. For reasons you can read about anywhere, their sound has evolved in a great way since their earlier, more purely punk albums. Music For Men has one of those sounds that people tend to make up hybrid names for, but I'll just call it Dance, because that's what it makes me want to do. It also doesn't hurt that Beth Ditto is amazing, and amazingly hot. No, I'm not being ironic. Yes, I do have a huge crush on her. In fact, that's a lot of the reason I first started listening to their music. Too bad she's a lesbian! :(

7. Bright Works and Baton EP by Cast Spells

I originally came across this band from a download called Blalock's Indie Rock Playlist. Even out of like 50 songs, "Potted Plant" stuck out to me as a gem. I bought the EP on iTunes as soon as it came out, and it was well worth it. And good news! You can listen to the entire thing for free right here!

6. Hold Time by M. Ward

I had heard the name M. Ward for a couple years, but never gave him a listen until She and Him's Volume One. I only moderately liked that one and initially didn't love this CD, but kept coming back anyway for a few great songs, mainly the opener, "For Beginners," but also "Fisher of Men" and "Shangri-La." I should have followed to my own 'ten listen rule' advice, because the album as a whole is solid as hell. And what can I say? I'm a sucker for Christian imagery.

5. Merriweather Post Pavilion by Animal Collective

Like The Dodos' Time To Die, to have this band this low on my list is kind of a burn. I love Animal Collective, and I love this CD, yet it didn't reach me like either Feels or Strawberry Jam had originally done. I have to be honest, part of the reason may be that this was in a large way Animal Collective's breakout album, in that every music magazine was already questioning whether it was the best of '09 all the way back in January, and that every wannabe hipster and their grandma was talking about how much they loved it in each other's facebook statuses. Still, much of the reason for that was that this was Animal Collective's most accessible album to date, and again like Time To Die, it squandered my affection in the abandonment of a few good screams. Highlights include the consensus favorite "My Girls" and the much underrated "Brother Sport" which actually surfaced during the Strawberry Jam days on YouTube in an amazing live video. (Why I have I not seen them live yet!? They've come to LA like three times since I've been out here, and I always find out too late like some tool.)

4. Songs In the Night by Samantha Crain & The Midnight Shivers

In full disclosure, Sam is a friend of mine, but I genuinely tried to place this album objectively, and it won't matter anyhow when she blows up completely huge in a few years . "Get the Fever Out" was my most listened-to track of the year by a wide margin, "Scissor Tales" is toe-tappin' goodness, and "Bullfight" is one I continue to give back-to-back listens. I've seen Sam evolve as a songwriter over a good six years or more, and she continues to get better and better. See this previous post to hear a new song that will hopefully be on her next album, which I believe comes out in April.

3. Set 'em Wild, Set 'em Free by Akron/Family

I was very surprised that this one didn't appear on more top ten lists. It seemed to have quite a bit of buzz when it came out, and it's a great album. I'm pretty tired by now, so I'm just gonna let you trust me on this one. But also, "Many Ghosts"....good....song.

2. Jewellery by Micachu and The Shapes

Wow, what a fantastic and weird listening experience this one is. I found it at the bottom of an iTunes 'spotlight on indie' list earlier this year and was completely sucked in. Unfortunately, I am at a complete loss for words as to how to describe it. Pitchfork, which I was pleasantly surprised to see give it a spot at 28 in their top 50, uses words like 'atonal' and 'lo-fi textures' (huh?) to describe it, so I don't have much hope, but more revealing is the fact that my very favorite song on the disc, "Sweetheart," is only 53 seconds long. "One of the decades most atypical collection of pop tunes" indeed. Just go find the single, "Golden Phone," and listen to it.

1. Bromst by Dan Deacon

Bromst has the unique and unfair advantage of me finding it's predecessor, Spiderman of the Rings, at the same time, and deciding to go ahead and group it in together as one listening experience. Since it's my list, I can do whatever the hell I want. HA HA HA! Like Jewellery, Bromst is basically a bunch of weird shit mixed into songs that sounds really cool, and Dan Deacon is one of the best at it that I've heard, so he takes my top spot for the year.

Whew! If you've read this whole thing, then thank you very much for your time and attention, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. For more interesting reading (or humbly, "For interesting reading") take a look at Pitchfork's Reader's Poll. Democracy! And unlike my list, it has reason for coming out well into the new year.

*One more proof that end of the year "Best of" lists are garbage, is the fact that Bitte Orca appeared more highly on many "Best of the decade" lists than it did on many "Best of '09" lists. Merriweather Post Pavilion likewise had a good showing on many decade lists, but went on to appear as highly or higher on most "Best of '09" lists. Of course this could be chalked up to simple discrepancies between different publications, but what I think actually happened is that people saw Bitte Orca so high on decade lists, knew that those lists did so in search of attention, and decided to dock it accordingly.

One of the Worst. Movie Posters. Ever.

2009-11-20T00:07:00.000-08:00

If you look back to one of my first posts you'll find I detest digitally inserted images in movie posters, mostly because the items usually inserted would be no problem to film. But one thing I really don't like is digitally inserted "hands holding things." Such as:

And:

These of course are DVD covers, but you get the idea. And I have literally had arguments about whether the hands in these images were photoshopped in or not. Let's put it this way. If not, wouldn't you also have to believe that the characters of The Office were staged in front of a blue background, lit from separate angles, and arranged on some sort of odd stair steps? And if you believed that, wouldn't you also have to agree that you are a moron?

Anyway, even if this poster isn't the worst looking photoshop job I've ever seen, it still pisses me off.

Since the devil is in the details, let's go ahead ignore that according to the poster, Robert DeNiro's arm must look something like this guy's (relax it's a statue):

First off, when did this become the standard format for Christmas movie posters: sparse white background, red or green lettering, obligatory Christmas item (bow, present, ribbon), and a 50% chance someone's going to be wrapped up in Christmas lights?

Secondly, why would you want to continue in that format, identifying your Christmas movie with these pieces of trash: Surviving Christmas, Christmas with the Kranks, Deck the Halls, Four Christmases, Fred Claus, Nothing Like the Holidays, and of course the ABC Family hit, The Dog Who Saved Christmas starring Dean Cain and Mario Lopez.

Finally, the main offender, the camera. Which marketing executive pulled this idea out of a hat 15 minutes before the meeting with Miramax? I could literally think of tens of better concepts. And here's where the photoshopping really gets me. The image on the camera's screen is the exact same image as the poster itself. Let's look at how little sense this makes.

1) When was the last time you were able to self-take a picture and fit two people so comfortably in the frame, let alone four?

2) The camera is pointed at their chests, not their faces.

3) The camera is tilted from the orientation of the poster, and the image is likewise tilted. Tell me, how did that work? Who will teach the kids about perspective, who?

I mean what are we, to believe this is some sort of a magic camera or something? Boy, I really hope someone got fired for that blunder. (And yes, I am wearing my "Genius at Work" T-shirt.)

All that being said, the movie doesn't look terrible, and I encourage you to view the trailer and decide for yourself.

Why is Matt Damon Smiling?

2009-10-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

Checking out at a grocery store today I saw an Esquire magazine with Matt Damon on the cover:

It says: "Matt Damon: Why is this man smiling?"

Hmm, good question. Why is Matt Damon, the man who won an Oscar for his first screenwriting credit, was nominated for his performance in the same film, became a Hollywood sensation with Ben Affleck, went on to select choice acting roles, becoming not only one of the biggest movie stars in Hollywood, but also one of the most respected, all while his counterpart Ben Affleck illustrated what could have been if he hadn't been so smart, was named People's sexiest man alive in 2007, starred in the Bourne trilogy, the Ocean's trilogy, married a non-tabloid attracting Argentinian bartender, had two children, and recently starred in one of best movies of 2009, The Informant!?

Well, I can't imagine. I'll guess I'll have to pick this up and give it a read.

(White) Boy in the Hood

2009-09-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago, I packed up everything I own, threw it in my car, and moved half-way across the city. From Westwood Village to what I've seen alternately called Mid-City and Mid-Wilshire, but is definitely within the boundaries of Arlington Heights.

My first thought: Where did all the Audis go? And BMWs, Mercedes, Priuses, and even late model Accords? Gone away, exchanged for tricked out 90's Acuras and old Caddies. Luckily, my 2000 Honda Civic fits in nicely with both cultures.

My plan was to trade the late night yells of drunken college students, shared room, and high rent for peace and quiet, some space, and extra funds. I found the space and the lower rent, but the peace and quiet have eluded me. The neighbors are nice enough, but families make noise, and I always have my windows open. The sounds of the 'hood flood in with gusto: Conversations in Spanish, the sound of a soccer ball slamming into the chain link fence right outside my window, the screeching bark of a dog (all the damn day long), people gunning the engines of their tricked out 90's Acuras, the seven gunshots outside my window at 2am........

Yes, that's right, seven gunshots. I had planned on noting the little foibles that come from moving from a college town to the ghetto, for instance how the middle school down the street is named after Johnnie Cochran, but once you hear seven gunshots outside your window, the quirks of living in a lower class area somehow lose their comedic value.

My sister once told me about the shots fired outside her Brooklyn apartment. I shrugged it off. My new roommates told me about the shots fired here two weeks ago. I shrugged it off. I was quietly watching the first episode of The Wire late last night and off they went. It sounded like pop-guns, but I knew exactly what it was. I immediately reached for my phone and reported it to the police... then cried like a little girl (on the inside).

Luckily, I am currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor, so I was nearly as low as I could get. I closed all the blinds, made sure the doors were locked, shut my computer (I couldn't stomach any more of The Wire) and went to sleep. Let's hope the trend doesn't continue.

The Difference A Week Makes

2009-09-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

What does it take to have the most experiential week since I've been in LA? Why another Oklahoman, of course. My best friend of many years (14, to be exact) came to LA this week, and in showing him around our fair city (and state), I was able to do and see more things myself than I have in any other week since I've been here.

For the record, we: walked around UCLA, went to the Hammer Museum, hiked Griffith Park, ate at Swingers, went to Facebook at UCB, drank beers at La Poubelle, drove up the coast, spent the night in a weird hostel, toured San Francisco, drove back, drank beers at Father's Office, watched OU beat Tulsa, saw 9 at The Academy, moved from Westwood to Mid-City, went to church, hiked and beached in Malibu, saw four shows at Hotel Cafe, strolled down the Santa Monica pier and beach, ate at Wahoo's, caught a Hitchcock double feature at the New Beverly Cinema, hung out with a friend at the 101 Cafe, and saw the Getty Center.

It feels like I picked him up a month ago. I do have some stories to tell.

Oklahoman to know: Samantha Crain

2009-09-16T00:49:00.000-07:00

Samantha Crain, not only a fellow Okie, but a fellow Shawneean. Way to spread the Okie goodness, Sam. Not that this song has anything particular to do with Oklahoma, but Ms. Crain continually gives props to her roots, wearing them as a badge of honor; she is a true blue Oklahoman. Enjoy this incredible new song, and look for her on iTunes.

For Shame, Los Angeles Public Library

2009-09-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

Who will teach the children about perspective, if not for our public libraries?

The logo for the Los Angeles Public Library.

Kill Slumdog Millionaire

2009-09-08T02:15:00.000-07:00

Tarantino is one odd duck, and I often find that watching him, or listening to him, or looking at him somewhat diminishes the value of his movies (though on the teensiest level, and only momentarily). For example, take his recent interview with Conan O'Brien [Part 1, Part 2]. Even Conan, a skilled interviewer (and especially skilled at making himself out to be the buffoon) can't rescue Tarantino from his awkwardness. We're not talking Jaoquin Pheonix awkward, but awkward.

But then there are times when Tarantino isn't promoting himself, like in the video below, when he once again reveals himself as a total badass. He's well spoken, and incredibly insightful. Unlike the Conan interview, this introduction for Danny Boyle's Sunshine is scripted, but there's no reason to doubt Tarantino's authorship, and you can see how incredibly intelligent he really is, that his movies really are a reflection of his substance, and not that he's just getting lucky every time.

And now a word on the clip itself. This is from a series of Tarantino's favorite movies since he directed Reservoir Dogs. Here, he introduces and discusses Sunshine, directed by Danny Boyle, the same Danny Boyle that directed Slumdog Millionaire.

Now is Slumdog Millionaire a terrible movie? Not really. In fact, I believe Boyle deserved his Best Director Oscar very much. The other 10 or so that movie won, it probably didn't deserve. [Full Disclosure: I am employed by The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences {Fuller Disclosure: There was no reason for me to disclose that, I just think it's cool.}]

This is the problem with Slumdog Millionaire (and the same goes for Juno/Little Miss Sunshine): not that it is a feel-good movie, but that people think that because it made them feel good, it's a good movie, which is not the case. Furthermore (and this is going to sound like the most dickish statement in the history of film criticism), and this goes moreso for Juno and Little Miss Sunshine, it's a movie that makes people with poor/fair taste in movies feel like they have good taste in movies. It's kind of like being able to afford a dress shirt from Abercrombie and Fitch and thinking that means you have good fashion sense. (It doesn't.)

Tarantino instead highlights some classic Boyle (everything before Slumdog) and gives my thoughts exactly on Sunshine. In truth, it's probably not as good a movie as Slumdog Millionaire, but anyone who liked that should definitely check this one out. You'll probably hate it, but your opinions on Slumdog will be worth a lot more.

Found via Slashfilm.com

Suck it, LA!

2009-08-28T01:39:00.001-07:00

I hope Summer from (500) Days of Summer fell down the hole.

There, that's better.

Let No One Say Oklahomans Are Disrespectful

2009-08-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to visit the land of my birth recently, and naturally, many more differences between LA and OK were revealed to me, and shall be revealed to you in due time.

But for now, please enjoy this video of Borat, also visiting OKC. There's really only one joke in the clip, but it's a damn good one. Watch the first three minutes and then you're dismissed.

LA is not Oklahoma

2009-08-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

Now I wouldn't consider Oklahoma to be the South per se, and one of the things--no, the thing I get asked most about Oklahoma is, "Where is Oklahoma? Like is it the Midwest?"

No, I don't believe it is. But it's also not the South, and it's also not the West. In my grade school social studies books it was usually grouped with Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona as the Southwest, but there's no way. We don't even have any desert. Texans like to think they're Southerners, but they're not. Pride and racism alone does not a Southerner make. Go to the grits section in your grocery store. If it's bigger than your oatmeal section, you're probably in the South.

Still, I spent my share of time growing up in the Dirty, and after a year here, it seems all the flyover states elicit nostalgia.

Here's a duet from Johnny Cash and Phil "Baloo" Harris singing "That's What I Like About the South." They just don't make television like they used to.

LA is Okay

2009-08-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

Because you can meet celebrities.

Rob Huebel is kind of my boy ever since I was called up to have my facebook page scrutinized at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater here in LA. Though he would probably say something about wanting to punch a guy that said "he's my boy" on his twitter page, @RobHuebel.

Later that night we pre-stalked him by waiting at the bar next door, where the Facebook Show performers hangout. I was able to meet him, and even though he claimed not to be famous, he is, and he was still totally approachable. So here's to Rob Huebel, and this really funny video he posted.

LA is not Okay

2009-08-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

Because people honk too much.

There are an amalgam of sounds that come in through my window, drunk people yelling in the PM, leaf blowers and lawn aerators in the AM. But throughout the day and the night, the incessant honking.

Agreed, sometimes you have to honk. I once cleared a traffic jam with a single honk. (Trust me.) But never do you have to honk for ten seconds. Oh, the long honkers. The only thing worse than the long honk is the honk back. YOU DON'T GET TO HONK BACK. I'm honking at you! You're in the wrong or I wouldn't have honked in the first place.

This is why the system of communication from one car to another desperately needs an upgrade. For too long have we been limited to facial expressions, hand gestures, and klaxons. The closest I've come to a feasible solution is a voice-to-text scrolling LCD display mounted on the front and back windshields, so that whatever you have to say can be read (or easily ignored) by offending drivers. I'm sure, however, that the CA DOT would take exception to the idea, and it is rather early 2000's.

Perhaps the simplest solution is a really loud megaphone, or failing that, a variety of coded honks. In example, one honk to say, "Don't change lanes, you'll hit me!" another to express, "I would appreciate it if you would go, instead of texting at this stop sign," which sounds just a little more vindictive than, "You have failed to notice that the light has turned green."

But for the able-bodied woman that starts to walk across the street when there are only two seconds left, then, when she's walking in front of the cars waiting to go, and the light turns green, yet she continues along at her casual pace, you really need a special horn, one that says, "WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF BITCH?"

LA is Okay

2009-08-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

Because The Gossip shoots music videos where you skated.

So if you're one of those people watching MTV at 1:30 AM, you might have caught an animated show called "DJ and the Fro." I happened to have the opportunity to work on this show as a Post Production PA, and it was a great experience. Apart from the job itself, which was quite enjoyable, we got to do cool stuff like have premiere parties at roller rinks. The Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale, to be exact.

So, watching the new Gossip video this morning I thought, wow, that roller rink looks really familiar. Look out for the parking lot across the street where I parked (it's a Home Depot.) And the song's not bad either. Not bad at all.

The Man removed this video and disabled embedding, but you can watch the video here.

Got to have it. Soul Power!

2009-08-02T00:36:00.000-07:00

I watched the documentary Soul Power recently (like three hours ago) and while the documentary wasn't all that special, the music it documented was AMAZING. If you don't know, the doc is about a music festival that took place in Zaire in 1974, featuring the top black musicians of the 70's and headlined by the Godfather of Soul himself, James Brown.

The highlight of the performances, which were all fantastic, had to be Bill Withers' subtle but powerful "Hope She'll Be Happier," which you can watch below. I was familiar with Bill Withers' work only for "Lovely Day," which I downloaded to set as the ringtone for a girl I was dating, and it was credited in my iTunes as "Billy" Withers. After a little searching, I found that he is also the source of the classics "Ain't No Sunshine" and "Use Me." I love it when I discover awesome music that anyone over 40 would take for granted, but is totally new to me. A few years ago it was Fleetwood Mac, last year it was Cat Stevens. This year, it's Soul. Do yourself a favor and watch this performance by Mr. Withers.

Bill Withers from Jesse Thorn on Vimeo.

A few more treats:

Old Star Wars Photo

2009-08-01T12:22:00.001-07:00

Strange how everyone in this picture looks dated, from Mark Hamill's wide lapels to Carrie Fisher's Annie Hall pants, but Harrison Ford still looks debonair as hell. See more rare Star Wars photos at uniquescoop.com.

"Sujfan." Awesome.

2009-05-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

Take that, Garden State soundtrack likers.

Fiat Jokes

2009-05-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Heard on Car Talk:

Where do you go to get parts for a Fiat?

-Follow around another Fiat.

How do you get a Fiat to go 60 mph?

-Push it off a cliff.

Did you hear about the the anti-theft measures on the new Fiat?

-Yeah, they made the logo bigger.

What's the difference between a Fiat and a Jehova's Witness?

-You can close the door on Jehova's Witness.

I went to the dealer and said, "I'd like a new gas cap for my Fiat."

-He said, "Okay, sounds like a fair trade."

What do you call a Fiat on top of a hill?

-A miracle.

What do you call two Fiats on top of a hill?

-Science Fiction

What do you call three Fiats on top of a hill?

-A strange place to build a Fiat factory.

Take that you fascists!

My Convocation Speech 2009

2009-05-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to start by reading a selection from a classic children's story.

Oh, The Places You Won't Go

by Garrett F Baker

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.

Oh by the way, you're competing for jobs against people with masters, doctorates, and 20 years experience. Save yourself four months and go ahead and apply to The Cheesecake Factory.

THE END

This Week in Movies

2009-05-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

The new trailer for Post Grad features a two-second clip of Alexis Bledel running into this building for an interview at a publishing company. As seen here:

It's not a publishing company, however, it's the CAA building. For the midwest inclined, that's the Creative Artists Agency, the top agency in LA (perhaps until a recent merger) where yours truly had an interview that ended in the interviewer telling the interviewee that he had done it only as a favor to a colleague. At least I got a taste of some primo valet parking.

In the background, however, you'll see a building where I did find work. The 9th and 11th floors of the tower on the right contains the headquarters for Lifetime Television, where I did a week of temp work. So, that nearly settles it. I'm famous.

But now I work in Hollywood, I don't have to wear a suit, and I make a ton more money doing the same shit work (but for way cooler people than your average agent).

P.S. I'd just like to take this chance to give out a kind and gentle "f you" to the executive who eight months ago said, "What are we going to do with this recession?...Hey, get me that script about that girl who can't find a job!" and then went home to his mansion.

This Week in Movies

2009-04-25T14:37:00.000-07:00

One of the first huge differences I noticed between LA and OK is the amount of movie advertisements. Of course, advertising in general is much bigger in LA than cities like OKC, Dallas, or New Orleans, but the percentage of advertisements used to promote movies is incredible. I'm going to go ahead and make up some figures here. I'd say that in any of those cities, the amount of all advertising alloted for movies is between 7-20%. In LA, I'd say it's closer to 60-80%.

"So what?" you might ask. Well, considering that I drive from Westwood to Hollywood and back six times a week, plus 1-3 runs a day within Hollywood and West Hollywood, I'd say I see this poster at least 15 times every day.

And that's not okay with me. You can get sick of some good posters (Gran Torino), and some you don't mind seeing over and over (The Dark Knight), but a poster like this, or 17 Again, or You Don't Mess with the Zohan (featuring Adam Sandler's photoshop-enhanced bulge) can be sickening.

This poster's design isn't completely bad. It's simplistic, and I find the blue background to be quite soothing. But it does have its problems.

First of all, Matthew McConaughey is on it. Secondly, this particular shot of the prince of Austin makes him look like a demon. One point for honest portrayal, negative one point for scaring me. I don't know whose decision it was to go with the head-on angle, but it's quite terrifying, if not Jokeresque. Third, what at first seems to be a necktie is actually a giant red scarf. Why? I would bet it has something to do with the length of a necktie and that the poster is likely a photoshop of each star's individual shot, with the scarf inserted digitally. Anyway, it pisses me off. (If you're skeptical, take a look at the many versions of the Get Smart poster or the obvious Four Christmases. If they can do it with hair, a tie, hair the other way, or a ribbon, they can do it with a scarf.)

The last thing I hate about this poster is that it's for a movie that is probably a huge piece of garbage. Can we be done with the ghost genre already? You would have thought it died with Ghost Dad, but not that long ago we had Ghost Town, with some respectable and semirespectable actors. And now this. While we're at it, let's toss out the body-switching genre. But of course, it won't happen. (17 Again at #1? I know there's not much on right now, but wouldn't you rather just not see a movie?)

If you don't believe me about the demon thing, here's a close-up. It also appears that they've used a different poster for the LA area, which apparently happens a lot. In this case, I actually like the LA version better. The "past girlfriends coming out of oddly posed photos" version is distracts from the focal point (the demon).

I would also like to suggest changing the tagline, "You can't always run from your past," to the more accurate, "Does it really matter?"

All Kids Out of the Pool: A Short Retrospective on Adult Swim in its Golden Years, Pt. 1

2009-04-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but Adult Swim was actually showing quality programming before Family Guy went into syndication. I know, crazy, huh?

It started out (for me anyway) with Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I caught this weird show one late night in middle school and, though I had no idea what I was watching, could not turn away. Confusion led hilarity, and I was hooked. Check out my favorite episode, featuring Bjork, Thom Yorke, and this great exchange between Space Ghost and his new wife:

"You know what? It doesn't matter, because I love you so much...that, it's time for you to go to sleep."

I remember as a freshman in high school trying to convince my older sister that Space Ghost's song in this episode, "Knifin' Around," was hilarious, but to no avail.

It wasn't long until a primitive Adult Swim premiered. One night a week, 13-minute episodes. Space Ghost was joined by a bevy of great new shows: Sealab 2021, Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law (with a character voiced by Stephen Colbert), The Brak Show, and the less funny but immensely more popular Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Sealab was particularly amazing. The first video I ever downloaded (when YouTube didn't exist and Napster was still king), was an episode of Sealab where a French diver helps the crew find Captain Murphy's Happy Cake Oven: "It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets....but the secret ingredient, is love....damn it."

Check out this amazing clip.

The Three Worst Words in the English Language:

2009-04-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

"Mr. Pibb okay?"

2009-03-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

This Week In Movies

2009-03-31T06:48:00.001-07:00

I saw Adventureland last weekend at an early screening. It didn't thrill me. The trailer was fantastic, and the movie failed to live up to it, probably because they squeezed into it every scene with Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig there was. It also set the story up to be something that it wasn't. "It was the worst job they ever imagined... and the best time of their lives," goes the tagline. Actually, their summer was quite depressing.

In the movie, there's a character named Frigo who punches people in the nuts. I spent the whole movie and the subsequent days trying to figure out where I had seen him. I'll go ahead and solve the mystery for you. It's the kid from the AT&T rollover commercials.

Westwood Medical - A Year in Posters

2009-03-30T23:43:00.001-07:00

The Westwood Medical building sits on the corner of Wilshire and Gayley at the end or the beginning of a long stretch of high-rise office and apartment buildings that run along Wilshire until they give way to the two-storey hedges that guard the Los Angeles Country Club. The face of this building is prime real estate and apparently owned by Disney.

When I first came to L.A. 10 months ago I found on its façade a giant poster for the movie Underdog. Underdog was released on August 3, 2007. For that caliber of movie, I’d say the advertisement was posted between four and six weeks before it was released, meaning that the poster hung on the side of Westwood Medical for nearly a year (circa mid-June until the end of May).

As if to quell my indignation at such a waste of good space, a Wall-E poster swooped in to replace Underdog before my first weekend here had passed. They couldn’t have done better. Wall-E is not even my favorite Pixar movie, but it’s up there, and it had been a great source of motivation and cure for writer’s block throughout my last semester at Oklahoma. Though the dream has faded and transformed over the last year, a large block of my life was spent dreaming of one day working for Pixar. That first Wall-E trailer began with Andrew Stanton narrating the events of a meeting between founding fathers, wherein they discussed the future of the studio and brainstormed the ideas that would become a string of the best movies of the last decade and a half. This, as much as the beautiful and intriguing Wall-E footage itself, inspired me again and again and again to beat my head against the wall when it felt completely devoid of any good idea.

That screenplay (conceived for animation) was 75-pages long when I moved to L.A. The plan was to work on it everyday, have it done in three months, and turned in to my producer with a month left on my internship. (This producer, incidentally, happens to be very well connected at Disney. A framed memo from Jeffrey Katzenberg, written as a fond farewell, hangs in his bathroom. In it, Katzenberg jokes about the monumental failure Newsies, advises him to seek out George Lucas and ILM for help with “being in two places at once,” and ends by telling him to “always keep [his] pager on.”) Those early months were hard fought, and each page I wrote seemed to push completion further away.

Having exhausted the Wall-E trailer, I turned to that giant poster for inspiration. I thought to myself that one day it would be my film’s poster on the side of that building. The internship was in Malibu, and it was a long drive home, but there is a hill on Wilshire Blvd. between San Vicente and the 405. It was at the crest of that hill that I was first able to catch a glimpse of the poster, and each night I felt that it was calling me home, the gate to Westwood village and the inspiration for that night’s writing.

I hoped that Wall-E would enjoy as long a berth as Underdog, but weeks after the release of the movie, it was replace by Swing Vote. As seen here from the Getty.

After that, it became High School Musical 3, then Bedtime Stories, Confessions of a Shopaholic, and Race to Witch Mountain. Basically, turd after turd after turd. Then, a great thing happened this weekend:

I’m not half as excited for Up as I was for Wall-E, but I’m definitely glad to see it up there. I will have officially been out here a year and six days by the time Up releases. Way to be on the cyclical structure, life.

This Week in Movies

2009-03-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

A little trivia for you. Which recently Oscar-nominated director was responsible for this gem?

On a side note, anyone who thinks fedoras are cool should pay close attention to Isaac and Zac.

Advertising is Evil - Enterprise Rent-A-Car

2009-03-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

Some commercials make you want to stab yourself in the head with a power drill. This is one of those commercials. And as the stand-up comedian/game show contestants in the SNL sketch I'm thinking of (but can't find on YouTube because NBC is also evil) would say: Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

I can just imagine the actor reading his line in the audition, and all the casting directors looking to each other as if to say, "Get this guy the hell out of here," while the one Enterprise Rent-A-Car executive laughs hysterically in the corner. "Oh man, say that again, that's great! Hey, do you think we can add a few more 'moms' into the script? This guy's gold."

At first viewing you may be thinking, "Eh, it's not that bad," but watch this about five times, as I've been forced to during the run of March madness, and I guarantee you'll be reaching for that drill.

As a bonus to this post, go to the video's page on YouTube (posted by the company itself), and check out some of the great comments left by what I can only imagine are Enterprise employees.