ABDUCTION: or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying That Gravity Existed.

Okay, take a look at this.

I know, I'm sorry.

It's actually kind of cool. Sliding down a building, holding a gun, about to do parkour on some girders to escape bad guys (see the trailer, below). They used Helvetica, it's got a tagline that could go for a courtroom drama, and Taylor Lautner has really thick hair. All good stuff.

But what's most importantly, is that his torso isn't bent at all. It's like he's cut in two right at his belly button and then pieced back together. I am certainly no expert, but I'd have to say that we're working with a minimum of three different bodies here: head, legs, and torso. But I definitely wouldn't be surprised if there were more. Apart from that, however, and the shards of glass exploding out from not-broken windows (again, see the trailer), it's not that terrible, right?

And that's when you notice the perspective, or confusing lack of it. Is it from the side, looking east to west, or from the ground, looking straight up at the sky? It's clear from the perspective of the buildings and the shape of the helicopter that we're looking at the sky, but then where or what is Mr. Lautner is sliding toward? Well ya see the thing about buildings is...... but you said...... my brain hurts. Unless they were purposely going Escher on us here, shouldn't it have looked a little more like this humble artists rendition?

Athangyou.

The answer is yes, it should have. I mean, down is still down, isn't it? Did they change what down was and I missed it?

But this campaign isn't too invasive, being completely relegated to our lovely city's massive supply of  bench ads, where it's hard to see the mistakes of the one-sheet.

You guys want to see something really cool though? Watch this trailer for Abduction, and every time Taylor Lautner says a line of dialogue (not voice over), repeat it in your head as accurately as you can. It's hilarious. (Spoiler alert: he's a really bad actor.)

"You wanna play with no rules? You better be careful what you let out of the box."

So, I wrote a screenplay once, and because of that line, I'm gonna go kill myself now. Goodbye, everybody!