More About Billboards I Hate

In my last post I told you that 2nd and 1st place in January's edition of "Worst Billboard Ever," would be up next.

Well, coming in at #2: Blah blah blah The Dilemma blah blah white background blah blah blah really ugly blazers, something about Kevin James being photoshopped to look skinny, and then a photographer going, "Hey Vince, do something crazy. Like put your hands on your head. Get weird with it!.....Eh, we'll get it in post."

And finally, coming in at #1, a film campaign that would easily make the worst of January, February, now March, and probably the rest of the year, Hall Pass.

 

If you're a fan of my blog, you shouldn't even have to ask. The bane of all good poster/cover design: DIGITALLY INSERTED HANDS HOLDING THINGS! Oh, how I loathe digitally inserted hands holding things, the worst of all digital insertions. I don't think there's much need to comment further. Some things are universal: mathematics, laughter, and the desire to punch these characters in their smug faces.

There are three things I can appreciate about this campaign, however. One, a starring role for Jason Sudeikis. Two, work for hand models. Three, that they didn't find the need to make their fingers do this:

Imagine that between your left forefinger and thumb, you are comfortably holding a very sassy wig. Mime that action. Now look at your hand and note its appearance. Now, look at Bradon T. Jackson (who?)'s left hand. Now, attempt to contort your hand into that shape. Hold it...hold it...embrace the pain.

Until next time, keep your eyes to the sky and the hate in your heart.

Advertising is Evil

In this business of show, January is a great time for honors, accolades, and heated competition. The Golden Globes, the various guild and critics awards, and of course, the Oscars all dole out a slew of statues to the best and brightest of 2010.

But there's another heated competition furiously brewing right over our heads. That's right, the battle for shittiest ad campaign. January and February are notoriously bad months for movies, as studios shovel out the films that just couldn't compete during any oter time of year. Occasionally a studio will try to sneak in and create some buzz for an out-of-season, underdog blockbuster, say, Cloverfield. But more often you find romantic and family comedies with B-list actors, washed up it-girls, and fading Saturday Night Live comedians (a la The Love Guru).

"Did someone say 'washed up it-girls and fading Saturday Night Live comedians?'" That's right, Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler, I certainly did! First up in the battle for new "Worst Billboard Ever" is Just Go with It, which is also competing for "Most Forgettable Title Reappropriated from a Phrase in the Common Parlance."

Compared to most 'worst posters of all time', there's not a ton visually wrong with this one. Just one. glaring. error. That FIST POUND! Let us count the ways in which that fist pound is unappealing terrible by all rights worse than Snooki's A Shore Thing.

1) This is not the death of the fist pound. The death of the fist pound actually came all the way back when white people started doing it around 2001. Then it's memory was thoroughly desecrated when fat, old businessmen started doing it. Then one day my dad gave me a pound. Then it was raised from the dead in 2008 by the black magic of Fox News, as the zombie known only as 'terrorist fist jab'. Obama was elected, and its soul was again put to rest, all the way up until this poster came out, in which it's riddled corpse was once again exhumed, lit on fire, and then put out again by the salty urine of some Sony executive.

2) Why did they place the half-naked girl right behind their fists, as if their hands are wrapped around her legs? That's just stupid.

3) You can't get Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston in the same room to take a picture for a poster. Whatever. I get it. But their hands are clearly not touching. In fact, Sandler's is overlapping Aniston's. If this is actually some new 'super pound' where one person's hand goes in front of the other's, please tell me. I definitely don't want to be the only not in on this thing. Otherwise, I think I would have preferred a poor photoshop of two hands obviously belonging to someone else, superimposed over the stars' hands, as long as I could tell the hands were touching.

4) Jennifer Anniston is looking at Adam Sandler's forehead, and that's because you couldn't worry about her sightline because you were concerned about their stupid hands lining up.

Up next: 2nd and 1st place in January's edition of "Worst Billboard Ever."

Every time a quiz is filled out on the internet, a kitten gets AIDS.

So, you'll almost never see me playing a game, or taking a quiz, or answering a survey, but.....here it is anyway, inspired by Annie Terracina and Mary Garis of the wonderful blog, A Tale of Two Cities. Feel free to do your own in the comments or whatever. (I don't really care.)

Note: Oh yeah, the quiz is about 2010. It's from a girl magazine or something.

Oklahoma's loss to Missouri was so not worth stressing over.
- In the end, we were in the same bowl game we would have gone to otherwise. (I don't really stress out. And if I do, it's probably worth it.)

All I could listen to this year was Kid Cudi.
- Obviously I listened to lots of other stuff this year, but I discovered Man on the Moon late in the game and could not stop listening to it. Pop music at its best.

This year I promise (to myself) to go out more.
- For most of my time in L.A., insufficient funds have kept me from going out. But that is less the case now. I've been here for three years and haven't hit the Hollywood Bowl, the Walt Disney Concert Hall, Pantages Theater, or been to a concert or play that a friend wasn't performing in. Also I want to go to a Clippers game.

The best thing I ate in 2010 was Caitlin Mitchell's sweet potato casserole.
- Holy cow that ish was da bomb!

The night of the Lost series finale I was WTF else do you think, watching it.

Wow, I really don't give a rat's ass about this will be the new cupcake flavor in 2011.

I'm proud that I finished the screenplay I came to L.A. to write this year.

Remember when Kanye put out a remix of Justin Beiber's "Runaway Love" and it was fly as hell; released a new track every week for free; released another fantastic album; made a stunning 33-minute music video; reappropriated Bon Iver's "The Woods" to make another 'one of the greatest songs ever', or a bunch of other things that don't involve hating on him?

The 1st (Possibly) Annual "L.A.O.K." Awards

Thanks to a job that allows me to watch up to four or five new movies each weekend and access to Netflix: Watch Instantly, I was able to watch more movies this year than I probably ever have before. I watched 180 movies in total this calendar year, though that number does include a few repeat viewings.

When I was a sprout, I used to try to see all the movies nominated for Best Picture. Then I tried to see them all before they were nominated. Then last year I was able to watch every single movie nominated (see my last post, written in March), and now this year, for the first time, I've seen enough movies to feel confident creating my own 'best of' list. And so here it is.

Best Picture

My top five:

Black Swan

The Kids Are All Right

The King’s Speech

The Social Network

Toy Story 3

Wow, this was a really hard choice. What a great year for movies. It came down to two of these (each of which was better than anything last year, in my opinion): The King's Speech and Black Swan. I instantly loved The King's Speech, which was impeccably acted and directed, and just a great story with really likable characters.

Black Swan, on the other hand, was the kind of movie that just sticks with you for days and days. So daring, so original, with its own fantastic cast and direction, I just have to applaud Darren Aronofski for making this movie. And the scene in which Nina finally dances the black swan is jaw dropping.

Edit: Looking back at this post now, I can't really count out Toy Story 3 either. It held the top spot on my list for many many months. It was just so well done and such a well crafted story (more on that below). Had I a vote in any actual awards program, I would have to seriously consider giving it to Toy Story.

And the Layokie goes to...

The King's Speech

The next five:
Another Year

Catfish (Please do yourself a favor and see this movie.)

Inception (Might have done better for me if I had only seen it once, instead of three times. Christopher Nolan's writing really doesn't stand up to repeat viewings.)
The Town
True Grit

Best Director

My top five:

Darren Aronofski – Black Swan

David Fincher – The Social Network

Tom Hooper – The King’s Speech

Christopher Nolan – Inception

Edgar Wright – Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Another close, close contest. As I write this, I haven't even picked one yet.

I so often hate it when awards shows reward a director for making a great movie, and not for being the best director, (It should be about style!) but Tom Hooper does so much with so little in The King's Speech that I can't deny him. He makes a scene of two people sitting in chairs talking, or a man standing in front of a microphone for five minutes, completely dynamic. And he does so with no more than a few interesting angles and slow zooms. Whenever you find yourself sitting in a movie thinking, Wow, this is really well directed, you know it's something special, but that's especially true in a movie with as good a story and performances as The King's Speech.

There is nothing specific about Aronofski's style that stands out in Black Swan, but the choreography is photographed beautifully, and the the movie rides on its tone (as well as Natalie Portman's amazing performance). Like I said, the film stays with you for days, and its impossible not to credit Aronofski for it.

Even though it shows up on this list quite a bit, I'm really not as big a fan of The Social Network as everyone else seems to be, but it was a great movie to be sure. I put Fincher here almost solely for The Social Network's tilt shifted rowing scene set to the classical piece, "In the Hall of the Mountain King."Anyone who knows me knows that I hate trends, so bringing a YouTube fad into a feature film would seemingly turn me way off, but Fincher makes it work. It was just a brillaint piece of filmmaking. 

And the Layokie goes to...

Tom Hooper (But if I was really voting, I could easily see myself switching to Fincher at the last moment  in order to reward him for Benjamin Button.)

Best Actor 

My top five:

Jeff Bridges – True Grit

George Clooney – The American

Colin Firth – The King’s Speech

James Franco – Howl

Mark Ruffalo – The Kids Are All Right

And the Layokie goes to...
Colin Firth

I love all these actors and these performances. Not really a tough choice though. (Stupid Colin Firth, I really wanted to give this to Mark Ruffalo.) 

Best Actress 

My top five:

Sally Hawkins – Made in Dagenham

Lesley Manville – Another Year

Julianne Moore – The Kids Are All Right

Natalie Portman – Black Swan

Hailee Stienfeld – True Grit

Sally Hawkins didn't perhaps deserve this nomination, but I just like her a lot, and couldn't really think of any one more deserving. I missed Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine (screened the day after I flew to OK), Tilda Swinton in I Am Love (but will try to catch it on Netflix: Watch Instantly), and Halle Bary in Frankie and Alice (imagining it sucked anyway). And I just wasn't that impressed by Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone or Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole.

My other four nominees, however, were all fantastic. Lesley Manville and Hailee Stienfeld were wonderful surprises, and I can't wait to see what Hailee Stienfeld does next (please not teen comedy, please not teen comedy). This really came down to Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore, and while Portman's performance was, let's say, visceral? I remember being blown away by Julianne Moore. My mind could easily change. I can't wait to see both of these films again.

And the Layokie goes to...
Julianne Moore

Best Supporting Actor

My top five:

Christian Bale – The Fighter

Sean Penn (as himself) – Fair Game

Barry Pepper – True Grit

Jeremy Renner – The Town

Geoffrey Rush – The King’s Speech

Jeremy Renner and Barry Pepper were both great surprises here. I didn't think much of Hurt Locker, or Renner's performance last year, but I thought he really showed his chops in The Town. Barry Pepper I didn't even recognize for his first few minutes of True Grit screen time, but I have to say that it was his subscription to the Gary Oldman school of acting that really impressed me.

And the Layokie goes to...

Christian Bale

For his believable turn as a regular person being interviewed on camera.

Honorable Mentions because I just like them a lot:

Charlie Day – Going the Distance

Jon Hamm – The Town

Best Supporting Actress

My top five:

Annette Bening – The Kids Are All Right

Melissa Leo – The Fighter

Carey Mulligan – Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Kristin Scott Thomas – Nowhere Boy

Jacki Weaver – Animal Kingdom

And the Layokie goes to...

Carey Mulligan

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was much better than I expected, and in no small part to its solid cast. Shia LaBeouf again made me forget the type of person he is in real life, and Josh Brolin and Michael "Golden Globe nomination because he has cancer now" Douglas were both likable villains. Frank Langella and Susan Sarandon each played surprisingly well developed side characters, and very very old actor Eli Wallach played a very very old man to a tee.

But even among all these, Carey Mulligan was the clear standout, proving that you don't necessarily need maudlin material (Never Let Me Go) to turn in one of the great performances of the year.

Best Adapted Screenplay 

My top five:

Rowan Joffe - The American

Aaron Sorkin - The Social Network

Ben Affleck and two other guys - The Town

Michael Arndt (but if you know how the process works there it's probably more apt to just say Pixar) - Toy Story 3

Joel and Ethan Coen - True Grit

And the Layokie goes to...

Toy Story 3

Structure-wise, Toy Story 3 has got to be one of the best stories ever put on film.You know those movies that seem to go by really fast, and when they're over, you can't believe that you were sitting there for two hours? Toy Story is one of those movies, and the reason is good structure. The screenplay is very very tight, flowing (seemingly) effortlessly from one scene to the next because of cause and effect. It starts in the very beginning with Andy "throwing away" his toys because he has to college, and follows that same line all the way to the climax. Even in slower scenes, say Woody's time at Bonnie's house, a throughline of tension (needing to get back to Andy's house before he goes to college) is palpable, and moves the story always forward.

Apart from that, the story is in turns hilarious, emotional, and incredibly bleak. The only criticism I could give the screenplay is that it takes a tad too long to get to the resolution, and that part where they're in the trash bag on the curb and Rex says "What's the point?" and then Buzz says "Point?.....Point!" and then uses the point of Rex's tail to break out of the trash bag. People don't really make discoveries like that. But then again, toys don't really talk.

Best Original Screenplay 

My top five:

David Michod - Animal Kingdom

Mike Leigh - Another Year

Christopher Nolan - Inception

Lisa Cholodenko, Stuart Blumberg - The Kids Are All Right

David Seidler - The King’s Speech

Each one of these is so great. A really really tough choice. I respect and admire Nolan so much for being able to come up with such an amazing premise and then write a fantastic story to take place in it. I don't think anyone writes as interesting or believable characters as Mike Leigh does. But The Kids Are All Right has both great characters and a great story, and I think that taken as a script alone, with no performances or visuals, it's just an inch more satisfying than The King's Speech.

And the Layokie goes to...

Cholodenko and Blumberg

Best Cinematography

My top five:

Roger Deakins - True Grit
Dick Pope - Another Year
Martin Ruhe - The American

Matthew Libatique - Black Swan

Wally Pfister - Inception (Full disclosure: I've met Wally Pfister and have exchanged witty email banter with him. [Fuller disclosure: I only told you that to sound cool, and it really doesn't affect my decision.])

And the Layokie goes to...
Martin Ruhe, for helping lure audiences into what they thought would be a Clooney-action-spy movie, and then showing them a poignant, slow film with the sensibility of foreign art house fare.

Worst Movie of the Year Decade Century

Machete

Best Child Actor

The kid from The Switch

Glaringly Absent on Purpose

Shutter Island

Winter’s Bone

Rabbit Hole

127 Hours
Never Let Me Go

Ranking the Oscar Nominated Films

With every Oscar nominated film now under my belt, I've decided to do a fun pre-Oscars blog and simply rank the films from best to worst. Now, this isn't a meticulous list. I ranked them as I saw fit in the moment, and many factors, including entertainment, quality, expectations, and even number of viewings (which I've included in parentheses if it was more than once) went into my decision making process. Basically, if you're my friend and you're not happy about the order, then please feel free to bitch, but I'm not going to spend time arguing with you....Well, I might if your taste is bad enough. 

I will circumvent a few arguments, however: Avatar -- I know the writing was bad, I know the plot was unoriginal, but I plan on defending it later so please spare me. The Hurt Locker -- I really wanted to catch this one again, and I think I might like it more the second time around, but as it stands, this is based on my original opinion from back in August. The Lovely Bones -- I could write a novel on how terrible this movie was. 

And without further ado:

1. Inglorious Basterds (2)
2. Avatar (3)
3. Up (3)
4. Crazy Heart
5. Bright Star
6. Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
7. Star Trek (2)           
8. The White Ribbon
9. District 9
10. An Education
11. The Secret in Their Eyes
12. In The Loop
13. Sherlock Holmes
14. Paris 36
15. A Prophet
16. Up in the Air (2)
17. The Hurt Locker
18. Coraline
19. Food, Inc.
20. A Single Man
21. The Cove
22. The Messenger
23. Julie & Julia
24. Il Divo
25. The Young Victoria
26. Fantastic Mr. Fox
27. A Serious Man
28. Ajami
29. The Secret of Kells
30. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2)
31. Which Way Home
32. Invictus
33. Burma VJ
34. The Blind Side
35. The Princess and the Frog
36. The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
37. Nine
38. The Last Station
39. The Milk of Sorrow
40. Coco Before Chanel
41. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
42. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
43. The Lovely Bones

Not The Best Albums of '09

Is there anything worse than "Best Albums Of" lists? Especially a personal list, and especially a personal list from an amateur (i.e. not a professional music reviewer).

But even those are pretty terrible. You might have heard me say before that music criticism is the lowest form of writing. I believe this. As in, lower than sex toy instruction booklet writing. I hate it. Why? Because most music criticism is simply a game of trying to come up with the wildest metaphor that could possibly still be thought of as describing something audible. For instance (and I'm making this up) "The Pencil Cup's new album, Erasered Our Lives Away, is filled with synth-dreamy riffs of pop ice cream cones melted over the rusted train tracks of Johnnie Eisenhower's twice distorted vocals." Bluagh! Blaugh! Blaugh! [Me vomiting.] If you've read indie music reviews, you know that's not far from the truth.

Anyway... all that is said just to properly relate to you, the reader, that I acknowledge that my opinion is worth nothing, and that the following list is merely of my favorites, and by no means implies that these were the best albums of '09. How could anyone make that claim? I could name for you ten consensus favorites of the year right now that I haven't heard (and so aren't on this list), but even if you have the time and money to listen to every noteworthy CD that comes out, the more music you listen to, the less time you have to let each album gestate. And it seems to me that the best songs of any album don't usually reveal themselves until around ten listens. I also read quite a few lists this year that were basically any ten albums from Pitchfork's Best New Music page. Great albums to be sure, and I'll admit that I found my #10 and #1 albums on that very site, but if you don't have one CD in your top 10 that's not on this list, what is the point of making the list in the first place? Just link to that page and let the people decide!

Oh man, I'm a pompous ass. Here are my FAVORITE albums of 2009:

10. Tie - Bitte Orca by The Dirty Projectors*, Vecktamist by Grizzly Bear, and Hospice by The Antlers

These are three great albums that have all received critical acclaim across multiple sites, so I grouped them together and won't say much. I didn't love any of them, but enjoyed all of them, and who knows which ones will grow on me in the future. I would like to give special notes to The Dirty Projectors' beautiful "Two Doves" and the amazing power behind the chorus of The Antlers' "Sylvia." The latter of which will make a great music cue to whichever filmmaker gets to it first. Check them out for sure.

9. Time To Die by The Dodos

Man, was this album a disappointment. If you want to hear The Dodos at their best, listen to their last album, Visiter. My favorites off that one, especially "The Season," are filled with these amazing screams and ringing tribal drums that, not unlike "Sylvia," make me want to rip off my shirt, pick up a blunt object, and run into battle. Time To Die, while a completely solid album (I listened to it at least three times straight through when I first got it), lacks any of that energy, and doesn't really replace with anything but solid songwriting. According to my iTunes, I've listened to it just at the requisite ten times so far, and I couldn't tell you one song that really jumped out at me. Still very much worth listening to, and perhaps even it hasn't been given enough of a chance. The songs may very well still find their way into my heart.

8. Music For Men by Gossip

Just a really fun album from a really fun band. For reasons you can read about anywhere, their sound has evolved in a great way since their earlier, more purely punk albums. Music For Men has one of those sounds that people tend to make up hybrid names for, but I'll just call it Dance, because that's what it makes me want to do. It also doesn't hurt that Beth Ditto is amazing, and amazingly hot. No, I'm not being ironic. Yes, I do have a huge crush on her. In fact, that's a lot of the reason I first started listening to their music. Too bad she's a lesbian! :(

7. Bright Works and Baton EP by Cast Spells

I originally came across this band from a download called Blalock's Indie Rock Playlist. Even out of like 50 songs, "Potted Plant" stuck out to me as a gem. I bought the EP on iTunes as soon as it came out, and it was well worth it. And good news! You can listen to the entire thing for free right here!



6. Hold Time by M. Ward

I had heard the name M. Ward for a couple years, but never gave him a listen until She and Him's Volume One. I only moderately liked that one and initially didn't love this CD, but kept coming back anyway for a few great songs, mainly the opener, "For Beginners," but also "Fisher of Men" and "Shangri-La." I should have followed to my own 'ten listen rule' advice, because the album as a whole is solid as hell. And what can I say? I'm a sucker for Christian imagery.

5. Merriweather Post Pavilion by Animal Collective

Like The Dodos' Time To Die, to have this band this low on my list is kind of a burn. I love Animal Collective, and I love this CD, yet it didn't reach me like either Feels or Strawberry Jam had originally done. I have to be honest, part of the reason may be that this was in a large way Animal Collective's breakout album, in that every music magazine was already questioning whether it was the best of '09 all the way back in January, and that every wannabe hipster and their grandma was talking about how much they loved it in each other's facebook statuses. Still, much of the reason for that was that this was Animal Collective's most accessible album to date, and again like Time To Die, it squandered my affection in the abandonment of a few good screams. Highlights include the consensus favorite "My Girls" and the much underrated "Brother Sport" which actually surfaced during the Strawberry Jam days on YouTube in an amazing live video. (Why I have I not seen them live yet!? They've come to LA like three times since I've been out here, and I always find out too late like some tool.)

4. Songs In the Night by Samantha Crain & The Midnight Shivers

In full disclosure, Sam is a friend of mine, but I genuinely tried to place this album objectively, and it won't matter anyhow when she blows up completely huge in a few years . "Get the Fever Out" was my most listened-to track of the year by a wide margin, "Scissor Tales" is toe-tappin' goodness, and "Bullfight" is one I continue to give back-to-back listens. I've seen Sam evolve as a songwriter over a good six years or more, and she continues to get better and better. See this previous post to hear a new song that will hopefully be on her next album, which I believe comes out in April.

3. Set 'em Wild, Set 'em Free by Akron/Family

I was very surprised that this one didn't appear on more top ten lists. It seemed to have quite a bit of buzz when it came out, and it's a great album. I'm pretty tired by now, so I'm just gonna let you trust me on this one. But also, "Many Ghosts"....good....song.



2. Jewellery by Micachu and The Shapes

Wow, what a fantastic and weird listening experience this one is. I found it at the bottom of an iTunes 'spotlight on indie' list earlier this year and was completely sucked in. Unfortunately, I am at a complete loss for words as to how to describe it. Pitchfork, which I was pleasantly surprised to see give it a spot at 28 in their top 50, uses words like 'atonal' and 'lo-fi textures' (huh?) to describe it, so I don't have much hope, but more revealing is the fact that my very favorite song on the disc, "Sweetheart," is only 53 seconds long. "One of the decades most atypical collection of pop tunes" indeed. Just go find the single, "Golden Phone," and listen to it.

1. Bromst by Dan Deacon

Bromst has the unique and unfair advantage of me finding it's predecessor, Spiderman of the Rings, at the same time, and deciding to go ahead and group it in together as one listening experience. Since it's my list, I can do whatever the hell I want. HA HA HA! Like Jewellery, Bromst is basically a bunch of weird shit mixed into songs that sounds really cool, and Dan Deacon is one of the best at it that I've heard, so he takes my top spot for the year.


Whew! If you've read this whole thing, then thank you very much for your time and attention, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. For more interesting reading (or humbly, "For interesting reading") take a look at Pitchfork's Reader's Poll. Democracy! And unlike my list, it has reason for coming out well into the new year.

*One more proof that end of the year "Best of" lists are garbage, is the fact that Bitte Orca appeared more highly on many "Best of the decade" lists than it did on many "Best of '09" lists. Merriweather Post Pavilion likewise had a good showing on many decade lists, but went on to appear as highly or higher on most "Best of '09" lists. Of course this could be chalked up to simple discrepancies between different publications, but what I think actually happened is that people saw Bitte Orca so high on decade lists, knew that those lists did so in search of attention, and decided to dock it accordingly.

One of the Worst. Movie Posters. Ever.

If you look back to one of my first posts you'll find I detest digitally inserted images in movie posters, mostly because the items usually inserted would be no problem to film. But one thing I really don't like is digitally inserted "hands holding things." Such as:

And:

These of course are DVD covers, but you get the idea. And I have literally had arguments about whether the hands in these images were photoshopped in or not. Let's put it this way. If not, wouldn't you also have to believe that the characters of The Office were staged in front of a blue background, lit from separate angles, and arranged on some sort of odd stair steps? And if you believed that, wouldn't you also have to agree that you are a moron?

Anyway, even if this poster isn't the worst looking photoshop job I've ever seen, it still pisses me off.

Since the devil is in the details, let's go ahead ignore that according to the poster, Robert DeNiro's arm must look something like this guy's (relax it's a statue):

First off, when did this become the standard format for Christmas movie posters: sparse white background, red or green lettering, obligatory Christmas item (bow, present, ribbon), and a 50% chance someone's going to be wrapped up in Christmas lights?

Secondly, why would you want to continue in that format, identifying your Christmas movie with these pieces of trash: Surviving Christmas, Christmas with the Kranks, Deck the Halls, Four Christmases, Fred Claus, Nothing Like the Holidays, and of course the ABC Family hit, The Dog Who Saved Christmas starring Dean Cain and Mario Lopez.

Finally, the main offender, the camera. Which marketing executive pulled this idea out of a hat 15 minutes before the meeting with Miramax? I could literally think of tens of better concepts. And here's where the photoshopping really gets me. The image on the camera's screen is the exact same image as the poster itself. Let's look at how little sense this makes.

1) When was the last time you were able to self-take a picture and fit two people so comfortably in the frame, let alone four?

2) The camera is pointed at their chests, not their faces.

3) The camera is tilted from the orientation of the poster, and the image is likewise tilted. Tell me, how did that work? Who will teach the kids about perspective, who?

I mean what are we, to believe this is some sort of a magic camera or something? Boy, I really hope someone got fired for that blunder. (And yes, I am wearing my "Genius at Work" T-shirt.)

All that being said, the movie doesn't look terrible, and I encourage you to view the trailer and decide for yourself.