Tuesday, June 21, 2011

riends ith enefits

Can we really hold it against Friends With Benefits that another movie with pretty much the same plot came out just a few months ago?

Yes. Of course we can. Other things we can hold against it:
  • The tagline "It's Harder Than It Looks."
  • The dateline(?) "Get Some JULY 2011."
  • Justin Timberlake (why not?)
  • The fact that Mila Kunis still feels like a side character, even though I'm pretty definitely sure she's starring in this one.
  • And the terrible red-on-black lettering used for the title:
Mommy? What does "riends ith enefits" mean? --Close your eyes, honey.
Which used to be a very legible light blue-on-black color scheme (that has not been used in any advertising whatsoever).

My elbow is inside your neck.
Also Justin Timberdale's tie. What's going on in this scene? He's getting undressed? She's obviously not? I don't know.

There, that's a little clearer. See, in case you didn't know what "friends with benefits" means, they've gone ahead and explained the situation visually. In this diagram, Justin Timberdell's index finger represents his erect penis, while the circle Mila forms with her thumb and forefinger takes the place of her willing vagina. In theory, the two will meet in the act of sexual intercourse, even though, get this, they're just friends. The "benefits" referred to in the title are that they get to have sex with each other. If anyone is still confused, please visit the Wikipedia entry on casual sex.

Oh, another thing I have against this campaign, Justin Timberderr's scarf in this image for Bad Teacher, which has been appearing on the side of many Los Angeles buses in the last week or so:

"Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that you're going to complain about Friends With Benefits because its star wears an article of clothing you don't like in an ad for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MOVIE?!" you ask?

Yes, I am. I do what I want.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Please, don't take Pops to Popper's.

This billboard for Mr. Popper's Penguins, although quite blurry and poorly composed, actually says, "FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND, TAKE POPS TO POPPER'S."

This is the opposite of an advertisement for a suicide hotline.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Super 8: A Review - by Garrett Baker and Blake Dilliner

Presented for you, completely unedited (meaning don't judge us for saying "like" so much), is a conversation between me and Blake Dilliner about the film Super 8. Attention - *MAJOR SPOILERS* follow - don't read this if you haven't seen the movie and still want the chance to be let down by the third act.

Blake:  fsu highlights are super mint
i forgot how much o fa beat down that was
me:  So mint.
Blake:  i hate jj abrams more every day
me:  lol 
Blake:  i think he's my least favorite director
me:  yeah i really grew to dislike that movie more the few days after i saw it
Blake:  after tyler perry
me:  wow
i think mine still has to be tony scott
Blake:  yeah i like hate super 8 3 days later
me:  i don't hate it, i'm just like, that pretty much sucked
Blake:  yeah

Monday, June 13, 2011

Gretchen, stop trying to make 'fetch' happen.

This is a little late, but as far as the billboards went, I thought the ad campaign for The Hangover Part II was quite good. A few different variations on this theme. I'm in a bathtub with my clothes on, I'm lying on the floor, my head is shaved, there's a monkey with a denim jacket on, can you not see how crazy we are? The campaign did some of my favorite things: filled the frame without being too busy, utilized actual photos (or were good enough photoshop jobs that I couldn't tell the difference), and also used some really cool lighting schemes.

However, let us take a look at the character posters for THP2, which I mostly saw on bus stops:

Aside from a strange Sixth Sense-esque lens flare behind each of their heads, they're still good-looking posters. But...what are those quotes doing up there? They're not taglines. That's still "THE WOLFPACK IS BACK," hanging out down there beneath the title. These are clearly lines the characters say in the movie, 'cept one thing, we haven't seen the movie yet. You can't prequote your own movie! Don't tell me what lines in your movie are funny. I'll decide that, when and if I see it (I haven't and don't plan to).

Think of your favorite quote from any movie......... Now imagine that quote had been on the poster for that movie, and how much that would cheapen it. These obviously aren't the best lines from the film, but still, don't push your quotes on me. Don't try to make 'fetch' happen.

What if the Billy Madison poster had shown a close up of Billy with one of the film's lesser quotes over his head? Something like, "Man am I glad I called that guy." No matter what quote you used, it would automatically be the lamest line in the movie.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've seen prequotes used. Exhibit B:

Remember when I Love You, Man came out, and then everyone was calling each other "Dude von Dudenstein" all the time? No? That's because it didn't happen. (I actually do hear people say "totes magotes" or simply "totes" every once in a while. Aaaaand I always look down on them for it. You said that because a poster told you to. And it's not even funny.)

Let's just hope we're not seeing another tagline-over-the-face-type trend forming here.