Presented for you, completely unedited (meaning don't judge us for saying "like" so much), is a conversation between me and Blake Dilliner about the film Super 8. Attention - *MAJOR SPOILERS* follow - don't read this if you haven't seen the movie and still want the chance to be let down by the third act.
Blake: fsu highlights are super mint
i forgot how much o fa beat down that was
me: So mint.
Blake: i hate jj abrams more every day
Blake: i think he's my least favorite director
me: yeah i really grew to dislike that movie more the few days after i saw it
Blake: after tyler perry
i think mine still has to be tony scott
Blake: yeah i like hate super 8 3 days later
me: i don't hate it, i'm just like, that pretty much sucked
me: like he was obviously trying to do a tribute to monster movies of the 70's
Blake: i want to go into the movie review business and just review all of abrams films
me: like b-movies
Blake: tear them apart
me: and he didn't nail it
Blake: no, also he was trying to do like an 80's speilberg kid's film
the scene with the boy's mom on film
that was the most blantant attempt at fabricated emotion
it was pathetic
the label on the film can was "mothering - greatest hits"
i think my least favorite was the stilted apology scene between the dad and the drunk
and they were like driving somewhere with a purpose
Blake: "hey guys, remember that cave we couldnt find a way out of? well i found an escalator that takes us to the middle of town where our fathers are!"
me: and then they just show up in town as the monster flies away
like, where were they going?
Blake: the monster isnt scared, he's just homesick!
um, i just saw he eat someone alivve
he cant eat chickens or something?
me: here's what would have made that movie completely awesome
Blake: a different director and writer
me: the kid gives his speech
and then the monster eats him
me: and then it finishes just the same
and kyle chandler's like, where's johnny
and the girl goes, that monster ate him
and then they fire guns at the ship as he flies away
Blake: "i can't handle a child! that was women's work! youre going to baseball camp all summer because I CANT HANDLE THIS" um dad, you mean handle me being at school or home alone all day while youre at work and the neighbors are feeding me? you cant handle THAT?
me: Then the moral of the story, "Sometimes bad things just happen," actually has some real meaning.
Blake: yeah i like that
"i can let my mother go now because i met an alien and it solved all my problems! see ya later locket"
oh also, my entire town and life as i knew it is destroyed and the government is going to lobotomize everyone who just witnessed this
yeah the locket thing was so bogus
like, in writing, you have to show that the character is changed
with an action
for instance, the EXACT SAME LESSON is learned in Up
through the exact same action
when Carl pushes all of Ellie's stuff out of the house
me: except in that movie, he actually needs to do that so that the house is light enough to fly
me: in this movie, there is no way you would just give up your mother's locket
there was no reason for him to do that
but to someone stupid its like "awww he's over his mother's death"
me: you'd be like, well, I feel better about my mom dying, I'm sure glad I still have this locket to remember her by!
Blake: ha yeah
me: I think I may have to turn that into a blog post
Blake: this locket that 20 minutes earlier i searched a dead, mutilated body for
me: because that's like the first thing i thought when i watched that
how Up did the exact same thing, except way better
me: maybe I'll just copy and paste this conversation
me: that would be a lot easier than rewriting it all
Blake: do it